Bigger (Poem)

Image

I’ve been struggling recently with the amount of stress I’ve been under. It’s been difficult to keep everything in one place and running smoothly. I’ve been faced with things I haven’t had to face in a long time and that uncertainty breeds a level of fear deep in my heart I wasn’t prepared to handle. More often than not I’ve found that I’ve needed to lean on myself to an extreme degree. But looping around myself constantly has been a challenge in and of itself. Still, there is no amount of stress that I can’t face. There is nothing that can overtake me. My power does not come from myself. It comes from Something much bigger, much more powerful than I am.

(I will be posting my weekly blog post later today as well, I didn’t have time to upload my poem this week + I’ve been struggling with internet shortages all week as well delaying my Dyzygy video being posted, but it will be up this weekend I promise!)

2018.3.14- Bigger.jpg

The Darling Bones is still on sale for $7! Go pick up your copy today + enjoy a suspenseful story about a young man who has lost the most important thing from him, while he comes to grips with losing the love of his life, he finds out that she was taken from him and the darkness that enveloped his whole world returns, fighting to take him over.

But he will not relent, he will not succumb, neither should you.

www.linmtba.com

Pride of Lions

Standard

… lions are chasing you.

I’ve recently been dealing with a hit to the pride that I didn’t think I would have to deal with. Not being able to find a job. Of course, this is halfway fallacy. If I wanted to go out and work at McDonalds or another fast food joint I could easily find a place there, but I chose to go after positions that I was not used to. Over the last week of November I submitted no less than twenty-five applications. All of them to positions that I did not already have on my resume, which meant no restaurant or bartending positions, nothing involving custodial maintenance or painting.

As I sat expectantly, knowing deep inside that someone would eventually call back and update me on a new job they thought I could fill I began to work tirelessly on my own business, freelance projects, the blog, even returning to YouTube. Anything I could use to fill my free time, I did. This didn’t stop as December came and passed me by, I rang in New Year’s Eve with my friends and my girlfriend, toasting all that 2017 was to me, the good and the bad, and I went home to watch a movie with my girl before falling asleep just before sunrise.

Up till Tuesday, I didn’t have a single job offer. The places I had called had denied me, I had begun to amass a collection of rejection emails, that another position had been filled. My encouragement and open mindset began to wear thin with each new email denying me a job, setting in that getting a job is perhaps not as easy as I once considered it to be.

Fortunately, just before I went to submit for unemployment, I was called by Dominos to be a delivery driver. I walked in and was hired on the spot. The same day that my old restaurant announced that it would be closing doors.

It’s funny, the way things work out sometimes. I was without a job, working my ass off on projects that I won’t hear about for another six weeks, and it fell into my lap that I should get a job and be offered another within days.

The possession of a job is an important mark in society. The feeling of being fired or let go or losing it due to circumstances out of our control can be a slam to the ego like you wouldn’t’ believe. I’ve had friends lose jobs and their attitudes grew dark and self-destructive. They grew impatient with the world around them, they grew hopeless that they wouldn’t find work before they needed it. I knew deep inside that I wouldn’t feel this way. I told myself regularly that I wouldn’t’ succumb to that change of mentality, but a month into being unemployed I began to question things and bite at morsels that didn’t deserve my attention.

I grew weary of the job search, being a job in and of itself I found myself hurt, at the end of the day, that so many jobs didn’t want me.

I was talking not long ago with a friend of mine about people’s vices and fallbacks, she mentioned that hers was jealousy. Mine falls somewhere between wrath and pride, two things I desperately need to keep in check but more often than not, I can calm my rage when it rises.

My pride… on the other hand, is much more difficult to manage.

I fall so easily to my terrible pride, this jobless venture has struck me much more close to home than any I’d had before. I felt hopeless deep inside and unable to complete the simple things I needed to complete. I feared that it would soon threaten my relationships due to the abuse I was putting my mind through.

Still, no matter how difficult things are, I learned long ago that difficulty is not a metric I use to gauge tasks. It all comes down to a length of time. Things aren’t hard, some things just take longer. I learned that from a Mod Sun song and reinforced it with every single word I write to encourage and assist those in my life. I have abandoned more things than I may have begun myself, but every moment I am fighting.

Pride is a pitfall, and waiting at the bottom of the well is a dogpile of lions with their fangs bared, waiting for a meal.

Don’t let yourself slip that far, take it from me. It is difficult to return, in that, it takes a long time to wake up and remember that your pride propels you, but you should never let it control you.

Each thing offered to me is a gift. My jobs, my writing, my home, my girlfriend, my friends, they are all gifts given to me by a Creator and taking any of those for granted, assuming that I am important because I have those things takes for granted each gift I am given.

I will not be food for the lions, and I hope you won’t either.

If you like this, share it and let me know your thoughts. I’d love to talk to you about it.

www.linmtba.com