Bigger (Poem)

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I’ve been struggling recently with the amount of stress I’ve been under. It’s been difficult to keep everything in one place and running smoothly. I’ve been faced with things I haven’t had to face in a long time and that uncertainty breeds a level of fear deep in my heart I wasn’t prepared to handle. More often than not I’ve found that I’ve needed to lean on myself to an extreme degree. But looping around myself constantly has been a challenge in and of itself. Still, there is no amount of stress that I can’t face. There is nothing that can overtake me. My power does not come from myself. It comes from Something much bigger, much more powerful than I am.

(I will be posting my weekly blog post later today as well, I didn’t have time to upload my poem this week + I’ve been struggling with internet shortages all week as well delaying my Dyzygy video being posted, but it will be up this weekend I promise!)

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The Darling Bones is still on sale for $7! Go pick up your copy today + enjoy a suspenseful story about a young man who has lost the most important thing from him, while he comes to grips with losing the love of his life, he finds out that she was taken from him and the darkness that enveloped his whole world returns, fighting to take him over.

But he will not relent, he will not succumb, neither should you.

www.linmtba.com

Pride of Lions

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… lions are chasing you.

I’ve recently been dealing with a hit to the pride that I didn’t think I would have to deal with. Not being able to find a job. Of course, this is halfway fallacy. If I wanted to go out and work at McDonalds or another fast food joint I could easily find a place there, but I chose to go after positions that I was not used to. Over the last week of November I submitted no less than twenty-five applications. All of them to positions that I did not already have on my resume, which meant no restaurant or bartending positions, nothing involving custodial maintenance or painting.

As I sat expectantly, knowing deep inside that someone would eventually call back and update me on a new job they thought I could fill I began to work tirelessly on my own business, freelance projects, the blog, even returning to YouTube. Anything I could use to fill my free time, I did. This didn’t stop as December came and passed me by, I rang in New Year’s Eve with my friends and my girlfriend, toasting all that 2017 was to me, the good and the bad, and I went home to watch a movie with my girl before falling asleep just before sunrise.

Up till Tuesday, I didn’t have a single job offer. The places I had called had denied me, I had begun to amass a collection of rejection emails, that another position had been filled. My encouragement and open mindset began to wear thin with each new email denying me a job, setting in that getting a job is perhaps not as easy as I once considered it to be.

Fortunately, just before I went to submit for unemployment, I was called by Dominos to be a delivery driver. I walked in and was hired on the spot. The same day that my old restaurant announced that it would be closing doors.

It’s funny, the way things work out sometimes. I was without a job, working my ass off on projects that I won’t hear about for another six weeks, and it fell into my lap that I should get a job and be offered another within days.

The possession of a job is an important mark in society. The feeling of being fired or let go or losing it due to circumstances out of our control can be a slam to the ego like you wouldn’t’ believe. I’ve had friends lose jobs and their attitudes grew dark and self-destructive. They grew impatient with the world around them, they grew hopeless that they wouldn’t find work before they needed it. I knew deep inside that I wouldn’t feel this way. I told myself regularly that I wouldn’t’ succumb to that change of mentality, but a month into being unemployed I began to question things and bite at morsels that didn’t deserve my attention.

I grew weary of the job search, being a job in and of itself I found myself hurt, at the end of the day, that so many jobs didn’t want me.

I was talking not long ago with a friend of mine about people’s vices and fallbacks, she mentioned that hers was jealousy. Mine falls somewhere between wrath and pride, two things I desperately need to keep in check but more often than not, I can calm my rage when it rises.

My pride… on the other hand, is much more difficult to manage.

I fall so easily to my terrible pride, this jobless venture has struck me much more close to home than any I’d had before. I felt hopeless deep inside and unable to complete the simple things I needed to complete. I feared that it would soon threaten my relationships due to the abuse I was putting my mind through.

Still, no matter how difficult things are, I learned long ago that difficulty is not a metric I use to gauge tasks. It all comes down to a length of time. Things aren’t hard, some things just take longer. I learned that from a Mod Sun song and reinforced it with every single word I write to encourage and assist those in my life. I have abandoned more things than I may have begun myself, but every moment I am fighting.

Pride is a pitfall, and waiting at the bottom of the well is a dogpile of lions with their fangs bared, waiting for a meal.

Don’t let yourself slip that far, take it from me. It is difficult to return, in that, it takes a long time to wake up and remember that your pride propels you, but you should never let it control you.

Each thing offered to me is a gift. My jobs, my writing, my home, my girlfriend, my friends, they are all gifts given to me by a Creator and taking any of those for granted, assuming that I am important because I have those things takes for granted each gift I am given.

I will not be food for the lions, and I hope you won’t either.

If you like this, share it and let me know your thoughts. I’d love to talk to you about it.

www.linmtba.com

Supernova

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A supernova, by definition is: the explosion of a star, possibly caused by gravitational collapse, during which the star’s luminosity increases by as much as 20 magnitudes and most of the star’s mass is blown away at very high velocity, sometimes leaving behind an extremely dense core.

I’ve been dealing with a certain kind of frustration lately, and I wanted to share it with you. See, last week I spoke about edging your lawn, and working through things. This week I want to talk about the inverse of that. Collapsing.

With each passing day, we are all faced with new challenges that we can either overcome, or be pressed down by. Mind you, the latter option doesn’t mean defeat. It just means that on the given day, perhaps you couldn’t find the answer to a problem and that is okay.

The most important thing is that you know that you don’t need to have the answers all the time. That’s okay, not knowing the answers allows you to step out and look for them. No problem will go unsolved as long as you continue looking and listening to the things around you. For me, it’s listening to you.

I don’t use the word “enlightened” because of how it has been used by those before me. Especially in modern times. Though its original definition was “to shed light” enlightenment has become this special word that people use to swing their own ideals into other’s heads. Whether that is morality or intelligence, or a set of world views. When one person considers themselves enlightened, it seems as if no one else can be. I have come across enough people in my life that believe they are enlightened and have all of the answers, yet misuse that power that I have decided to write about it. If someone is truly enlightened, they don’t feel the need to bring it up. Their light will shine for them, and they know it. I avoid using the worn enlightened to describe myself, because there is still a lot of darkness inside that I have yet to flush out.

See, this blog post is about falling behind. Feeling down. It is about being inadequate. To yourself or to others. If I were to ask you why you argue things, what would your answer be? Would you tell me that you do it to prove a point, flex your level of intelligence, or for some other reason? I could replace ‘argue’ with many other things and the answers would be the same. I know this of myself, and so from here on out I will be referencing myself. If I were to replace ‘argue’ with other things like ‘work so much’ or ‘get so angry when little things go wrong’ I would tell you that I do both of those things because I have a specific plan. I have many things that I want to share with the world, and, at the risk of sounding like Kanye west, I care about the quality of my work.

Some of you may have seen my post about buckling under the pressure and pushing back my deadlines for books. If you haven’t, there you go. My books will be released at a much slower rate because I want to take the time to get them right. I want to make sure that every single one is well read and leaves an impact in the hands of the people who read them. I have pushed back the deadlines by a year each on the three novels I was releasing this year. That being said, I have grown even busier.

This carousel doesn’t stop, ever. After pushing the deadlines back, I dived headlong into the root of my issues with the books. Planning. For those of you who spend a lot of time with me, you know that I like to have things planned. I like to at least have an idea what I will be doing on any given night. The same is true for my writing. I push and push to get things out by deadlines that are crammed in too closely together. Because of that, I am unsatisfied with the end result. However, this is all stuff I’ve said before.

The purpose for this blog post is to share with you that it’s okay to take a break. Its okay to be broken.

If you have a lot going on, and you are freaking out about what you have left to do… go outside and look at the sunset or the sunrise. Brew a cup of coffee and read a book for a while. Pick up your console and play a game, go for a run. Whatever you need to do to unwind is okay. Especially if the weight of life is bearing down on you.

Is work stressing you out? Bosses crawling all over you?

Is your personal life stressing you out? Do you not have enough alone time?

Is your family getting on your nerves?

 

Whatever the case is…

You don’t have to have all of the answers.

I am reminding you of this, but there is still a chance that you are just like me. You won’t listen to this blog post and you’re going to try to solve every problem tonight so that you can live without the pressure you put on yourself.

If you’re that much like me, then you’re going to realize in a couple days that the weight on you isn’t killing you. It’s just really, really damn heavy.

That’s the cool thing about pressure.

Pressure is what makes supernovas.
If you’re feeling crushed by the pressure of your life, in any combination of things… know that it is building you up for something incredible. See, when a star gets all of that pressure that pushes on it non-stop it begins to collapse. When a star collapses, all of that matter sucks up into the center and explodes out into the universe. It creates galaxies worth of stars with one explosion. It sheds light on everything around it, but it can’t get to that point without earth shattering pressure.

If you’re feeling the weight of the world today more than normal… just think to yourself.
You aren’t in this journey to be “enlightened” You aren’t a candle, meant to shed light to one room. You are made up of galaxies inside. There are storms inside of your soul that are begging to be set free, but we can’t always get there without a little push… and a lot of pressure.

Maybe you’re just waiting on your chance to become a supernova.