… lions are chasing you.
I’ve recently been dealing with a hit to the pride that I didn’t think I would have to deal with. Not being able to find a job. Of course, this is halfway fallacy. If I wanted to go out and work at McDonalds or another fast food joint I could easily find a place there, but I chose to go after positions that I was not used to. Over the last week of November I submitted no less than twenty-five applications. All of them to positions that I did not already have on my resume, which meant no restaurant or bartending positions, nothing involving custodial maintenance or painting.
As I sat expectantly, knowing deep inside that someone would eventually call back and update me on a new job they thought I could fill I began to work tirelessly on my own business, freelance projects, the blog, even returning to YouTube. Anything I could use to fill my free time, I did. This didn’t stop as December came and passed me by, I rang in New Year’s Eve with my friends and my girlfriend, toasting all that 2017 was to me, the good and the bad, and I went home to watch a movie with my girl before falling asleep just before sunrise.
Up till Tuesday, I didn’t have a single job offer. The places I had called had denied me, I had begun to amass a collection of rejection emails, that another position had been filled. My encouragement and open mindset began to wear thin with each new email denying me a job, setting in that getting a job is perhaps not as easy as I once considered it to be.
Fortunately, just before I went to submit for unemployment, I was called by Dominos to be a delivery driver. I walked in and was hired on the spot. The same day that my old restaurant announced that it would be closing doors.
It’s funny, the way things work out sometimes. I was without a job, working my ass off on projects that I won’t hear about for another six weeks, and it fell into my lap that I should get a job and be offered another within days.
The possession of a job is an important mark in society. The feeling of being fired or let go or losing it due to circumstances out of our control can be a slam to the ego like you wouldn’t’ believe. I’ve had friends lose jobs and their attitudes grew dark and self-destructive. They grew impatient with the world around them, they grew hopeless that they wouldn’t find work before they needed it. I knew deep inside that I wouldn’t feel this way. I told myself regularly that I wouldn’t’ succumb to that change of mentality, but a month into being unemployed I began to question things and bite at morsels that didn’t deserve my attention.
I grew weary of the job search, being a job in and of itself I found myself hurt, at the end of the day, that so many jobs didn’t want me.
I was talking not long ago with a friend of mine about people’s vices and fallbacks, she mentioned that hers was jealousy. Mine falls somewhere between wrath and pride, two things I desperately need to keep in check but more often than not, I can calm my rage when it rises.
My pride… on the other hand, is much more difficult to manage.
I fall so easily to my terrible pride, this jobless venture has struck me much more close to home than any I’d had before. I felt hopeless deep inside and unable to complete the simple things I needed to complete. I feared that it would soon threaten my relationships due to the abuse I was putting my mind through.
Still, no matter how difficult things are, I learned long ago that difficulty is not a metric I use to gauge tasks. It all comes down to a length of time. Things aren’t hard, some things just take longer. I learned that from a Mod Sun song and reinforced it with every single word I write to encourage and assist those in my life. I have abandoned more things than I may have begun myself, but every moment I am fighting.
Pride is a pitfall, and waiting at the bottom of the well is a dogpile of lions with their fangs bared, waiting for a meal.
Don’t let yourself slip that far, take it from me. It is difficult to return, in that, it takes a long time to wake up and remember that your pride propels you, but you should never let it control you.
Each thing offered to me is a gift. My jobs, my writing, my home, my girlfriend, my friends, they are all gifts given to me by a Creator and taking any of those for granted, assuming that I am important because I have those things takes for granted each gift I am given.
I will not be food for the lions, and I hope you won’t either.
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