Snake in a Bank

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So, you may notice that the poem is a touch different than it has been in the past, that’s because I’ve been having some difficulties with Illustrator over the past couple days + had to improvise. Turns out I kinda like the new format too. Enjoy!

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If you dig it, tell your best friend about it. Or just like, their dog. I dunno. It’s your choice.

If you want to see more, you’re in luck! I have a big announcement coming soon regarding the GME poetry. I’ll publish it here so you can get a good look at it too. Expecta  few days of a wait, but it’ll be around.

In the meantime, rep some S+I gear and show it off. All four central blog designs are live on Teespring right now! A perfect gift for Valentines day, ya know.

Conversations With Machines

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“There are things in the twilight that trace the terraces of turmoil.”

“Did your father die, or was he artificially constructed?”

“You already knew the answer, why did you ask?”

 

Have you ever pondered things you already know the answers to? For example, things like how much time you spend a day, how long it will take you to fall asleep, when you will be off the clock at work, how long it will take to brush your teeth? How many lightbulbs are in your home, transistors in your computer?

Some of these things may be a mystery to you. I don’t know how many transistors are built into my PC, nor do I really need to in this moment.

I often come to my own headspace and question thinks I already know. Why I am continuing to write in an uphill climb some days, beating my brows out just to get words onto the page. I question some days why I get out of bed, it would be so much easier to stay, wouldn’t it?

Of course it would but that is not what we are alive for.

There will always be things we will never understand. In some cases, those things can even be our own motives and ideas. I urge you to consider the reasons you do things. The reason you think, act, move, work, all of them are instituted with great purpose. You breath carries a weight behind it more valuable than gold. So I pose the question today:

Do you know why you are here? If not, it isn’t something to fret over. I have many friends who don’t understand their purpose and don’t know what it is they were created for. All of us must find those things in our own time, with our own chosen path that we create.

It does us no good to speak to those without answers, we must instead learn from them. It is something I’ve come to find recently, even those who don’t know how to tell you the answer to your questions will, in the least, give a clue to finding it within the way they speak or act or move or work.

Have you ever watched a dancer go about their talent without a seeming care to the rest of the world? They could dance anywhere, a stage, their own living room or the crowded streets of New York City, and yet it would still draw your attention. There is beauty in the way they move their bodies. There is a certain grace in the way public speakers shape their lips. The way passionate people operate through the stormy waters of their chosen craft is always bleeding and pouring out magic from within.

Yet, here we are, wondering what we will do next. It isn’t something to be ashamed of. I often don’t know my next move, but I am regularly working on it, because I want the feeling I feel when watching a master craftsman or a mechanic, a sweet old lady knitting a scarf, or a DJ mixing tracks to be the same feeling I send to you with the way I write.

All of us have a passion within us, some rest it deep inside out of fear or anxiety or some other motive. Others have found theirs already and are building upon them, but I can tell you from experience, there is nothing to be gained from sitting in the corners of our homes with our hands folded across our chests wondering what our purpose is.

To some, your purpose may be to divine your purpose. To understand the world around you. Others may have story pent up within them, others contain art, engineering talent, mathematics, or more. None of those things will flourish when we sit alone and wonder what to do.

The quotes at the top of this post exemplify that. I chose, as an example to have a short conversation with Cleverbot online. I wanted to give a true definition to what it is like when we answer our own questions. All three of those responses made less than no sense in accordance with the conversation, yet the bot continued it. It is a lot like that inside my own head sometimes.

I like to ask myself things, I like to wonder and I love to question, but I would be nowhere if it weren’t for the plethora of other people in my life who willingly spar words with me and question my motives. I would be nowhere without the existence of you, my friends, my family, and the numerous people on this earth who seek to challenge my way of thinking. I became a writer for all of these people and through doing so I have come to understand my passion, my purpose for life, no matter how difficult things get.

If I had spent all of my time alone, in my own mind even in a public setting I would not have reached this place and I would not be working every day to move forward to a new place. This of course, is a silly notion in itself. We are forced into social interaction at almost all hours we are not pent up at home, so this week, what I’m saying, is go outside.

Stop talking to computers or video games or books or yourself. Spend some time with your friends, enjoy dinner, and enjoy life together.

Stop talking to machines.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

All things will come in time.

 

“Pacing hallways back and forth, asking yourself questions you already have the answers to. In the end, stumbling upon something found that was never lost at all.”

Thank you for stopping by! If you like it, check it out, feel free to tell your friends and share the post. It really helps me out and I’d love you for it!

For more, you can always pick up a copy of the compilations I release at the end of every year! You can find all of them on Amazon right now for $8! If you’re in the mood to pick up some new sweaters for the cold January coming, my store on Teespring has just what you need! Batches print every 3 days, so the stock will never run out.

(One more.) If you’re interested, I have been working on Youtube under the name Dyzygy, Go check it out if you’re into video games and inappropriate comments about them.

Debt Collectors

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Once, I had a close friend who told me that she didn’t owe the world anything. That she didn’t owe her father anything because she didn’t ask to be born. She didn’t owe her friends, her mother, her ex, her lovers anything. She never gave a reason to me though I asked. All she said was that she was so caught up believing that she had some debt to repay that it was giving her anxiety, so she thought long and hard and came to that realization.

I tried to understand but I just couldn’t seem to agree. I thought of her perspective, a teenager who had been enduring things beyond her on the best days. One day her opinion may change, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently.

I’ve come head to head with many people who hold this same belief. They owe no explanation, no trust, no love or faith to anyone living. Their lives are their own and they are in complete control of them, they tell me.

Yet they come to me and other friends regularly telling of ways that they can’t seem to get a handle on the world they are living in. That it is all so complicated and so hard to understand. That so many things are always happening that it seems like they can’t keep their heads above water. That they lose purpose.

Another friend once asked me how I can get out of bed every day and go about my life. I lived at home for a long time, I worked a “dead end” job and my books weren’t selling. My YouTube channel was full with a cool 8 subscribers and my Twitter feed was a ghost town of advertisements and cries for book sales.

Why do I get out of bed every morning, you ask?

Because I have a debt to repay.

My mother and father didn’t consult me when it came to bringing me into this world. They didn’t prepare me for broken A/C units or credit card debt. They didn’t explain at first that life would swing a lot harder than any bully I had met in high school. They didn’t ask me if I wanted to be here, yet here I am.

I owe my parents everything.

In a universe that knows not who I am, a cosmic mosh pit that doesn’t know me from Adam, how can I get up every day knowing life is meaningless?

Because it isn’t.

Like many things in my life, I have held the philosophy that everything comes down to me. I create the world I am living in. If I hate the people I work with, it will be hell going to work every day. If I disrespect my parents, I won’t have a safety net when I need it. If I crush the dreams of my friends in the pursuit of mine, I will live in a golden castle atop a lonely country hillside.

What I’m saying is that we shouldn’t put this blameless mentality into our heads. This idea that we don’t owe the world anything makes our hearts hard. Don’t you think we have hardened our hearts enough? With the dichotomy in politics and the strained ideals of the everyday person that lives today, don’t you think it would be best if we were to take a slow breath and think to ourselves…

“What can I do to make this world better, safer, nicer, happier?”

Get away from the concept that everything is a debt to be repaid. It isn’t. On one hand you can say that you don’t owe anyone anything, on the other I’d say you owe your loved ones in the least, everything you have.

Each word I write, even the vulgarity, I owe to my mother for raising me to be talented.

Every nut and bolt I adjust in the engine of my truck I owe to my father for teaching me how to repair things.

Every burst of creativity is owed to my parents and my friends for being the fire beneath my feet that keeps me moving forward.

So, to answer the question, I get out of bed every morning because I have a tremendous debt to repay.

Each breath I take should be a labor of love and gratitude that even though I didn’t ask to be at this party, I was still invited and welcomed. I have found a nest with many people who love and appreciate me and I have found a purpose. I have created this nest for myself through my own hard work and my own dedication, but more than that I have created is because one day I know that someone will need my help. My wife, my child, my friends, it could be anyone, anywhere, for anything.

I don’t owe that person a damned thing, but I will give them whatever I can to help them along their way. They will owe me nothing in return, not because I don’t want debts repaid or favors returned, but because my life is going to be too short to try to keep a tally of all the things I’ve done or will do in it.

You may think that you owe no one anything, but you should do well to remember that no one owes you a thing either.

Not the parents who gave you clothing and shelter and food.

Not the teachers who tried their damnedest to educate you.

Not the employers who provide you with paychecks so you can feed your own family.

Not the countless people you cross day to day who don’t pillage your home or vehicle so that they can get ahead.

Life is not about accruing and paying off debt.

It is about doing things for one another, in kindness, without being asked and without expecting things in return, as so many people have done for you and I, we should do for the rest of them.

I hope that you forgive a debt today. I certainly know that I am.

After all, no one owes me anything.

www.linmtba.com

Consecrating the Beast

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On any rainy night in any town in this world, you can see them. If you look carefully. Fine hairs cover their bodies, their pale flesh shines off of the moonlight. Their hair disheveled and their hands occupied with lit flames or poison in glass bottles while they wait. They are the most advanced hunters our earth has ever seen. Waiting for the prey to stumble into their nests. Behind dimly lit bars, or even within. They rest in the halls of churches, in the seats of Congress, they work in restaurants and mines. They bleed and breed more of the same with each new generation, a new pack is born that can hunt and kill with ease. The most painful thing about them is that when they kill you, you continue to live. They shrivel up your soul and drink the life out of it like a paper carton of coconut water. These particular creatures are what made me pick up my blade and fight. They spurned me, beat me, and have tried to sink their fangs into my soul for years.

I’ve come face to face with them, I have lived to tell you the tale…

 

I’m talking about people, if that wasn’t obvious.

Working in the service industry has taught me a ton about the nature of people. Especially from being a bartender, I see the best and the worst of people on a day to day basis and dealing with that can grow tiresome. It’s so easy to slip into manufactured ideas that we have at the ready. Misconceptions about the people we see but don’t truly know can rip at us for years. Especially when we see the bad side of people often. A guy was on a date with a girl, and after the date was over he left his server his number and asked her to call him. I’ve seen drunk men need to be lifted out of the restaurant because they couldn’t walk on their own. I’ve seen fights and I’ve watched relationships crumble because of infidelity. People cheating on their spouses in my restaurant and their partners finding about what was happening on the sidelines. It’s so hard to deal with sometimes. One memory that sticks out vividly that I have written about before, a family came in one night and were assholes to everyone, the dad was drunk beyond belief and regularly told his daughter that she was ugly. I was frustrated by it and at the end of the meal I asked if they wanted dessert. Daddio said they would go somewhere else, but the girl wanted cake. While I was standing there holding the bill the dad looked at his daughter and through death breath told her “You don’t need cake, you’re already fat and ugly, and cake will just make you fatter and uglier.”

The girl was maybe six years old. How can someone do that? I couldn’t comprehend it then. I can’t comprehend it now. In my frustration, I bought her a piece of cake and gave it to her after her dad had stumbled out the door. His wife came in a while later and apologized for him, and thanked me for giving her daughter the dessert she wanted. I was so pissed when it happened and it has stuck in my mind since then.

It’s hard for me to tolerate assholes. I just don’t get why we would be like that for no reason. I dwell on it and let it gnaw at me and those kinds of people are the ones that kill your soul.

So what do we do to that kind of person? The evil kind?

We fight back with love.

Everybody will run into someone selfish and needless, we will all encounter our own version of the cake hoarding asshole in a new skin. It isn’t that they are inherently evil, that’s definitely exaggeration to drive the point home. They shouldn’t be held against a wall and fired upon as being evil. They make mistakes and are foolish, we all are.

So what can we do?

Consecrate them.

Consecration, by definition is declaring something (usually a church) sacred.

So then, we can consecrate our own lives and mentalities. The way I believe in love is sacred to me. It is something that should never be destroyed. Of course I fail, I grow weary and I snap at people. We all make mistakes, in those instances it might seem like the right thing to do but I still backstab my own beliefs. Instead of fighting the beast with the best I can offer, instead I stoop to their level and battle with brute force. I try to prove to them that I’m the bigger asshole.

That’s not the kind of man I want to be.

Recently, I had the chance to speak one on one with a customer I once thought was a huge dick. He told me about his grandkids and his late wife, he told me that he goes out so often because he doesn’t like to be alone. He told me lots of things, but it was what he didn’t say that really hit home.

Through all of his stories he told me that he was lonely and he was bitter. Perhaps angry at God, perhaps angry at man and science. I can’t say, but I looked at him with a new light afterwards.

Sure, he was angry and there wasn’t a reason to be an old grump, but that was what he had engrained within himself. I can’t let that happen to me.

This life will not make us bitter, the monsters we see day to day will not make us lose our faith, especially our faith in one another.

We will consecrate the beasts with love. After all, every villain, every evil thing in this world once started from something good, something that wasn’t evil. We had to learn hate, so it is our job to teach how to destroy it.

This was supposed to be up last week and then again was supposed to be up at the beginning of this week but I got caught up planning some cool stuff for my birthday so I lost the work in the process. Anyway, it’s here now! I’ve got another one coming for you in a couple hours too. 🙂

www.linmtba.com

Waking up in Coffins

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I finished writing this + was upset that it wasn’t going to be posted until tomorrow because I’ve been up since god knows when thinking it is Thursday. Happy Friday, friends. Stay blessed.

It’s pretty popular knowledge to my group of friends and family that I’m garbage at hearing my alarms in the morning. I just sleep through the noise and ignore them. Most times these days I don’t even shut the alarms off, which it probably frustrating as hell to the people I stay with. I generally don’t get into bed until late in the night turned morning. I work hardest when the sun is hiding, and that’s how it’s always been. Still I try to get up early to get in work in the AM too.

When I was younger, I used to say that I would sleep through my alarms because I wanted to live in a dream. To that, I call bullshit.

Why would I feel the need to live in a dream in the middle of the night when I’ve got all of the tools necessary to make my life a dream when I’m awake? That’s a big thing I wanted to touch on today. So many of us, myself included, use everything in our power to skip out on life. We live vicariously through reality television or video games. We spend all of our time within the pages of a book begging to live in those worlds. We come up with Zombie Survival plans and Armageddon Preparedness rituals and all of our time gets ripped up between that, work, and sleep.

I’ve gotta be honest with you guys. I think this whole sleep thing, at least while you’re young is bullshit. Maybe I’ll regret saying that and living like I do when I’m 50 but I’ll deal with that when I’m fifty years old and I have more time to sleep.

I don’t want to live inside a dream my mind made when I laid down. I want to wake up every day and build my dreams right in front of me. It might seem kind of weird coming from an author, but I don’t want to spend my whole life wishing I had the abilities and the magic of the characters I read in books when those abilities are already latent inside of my soul.

Recently I’ve been back to sleeping few hours a night and working as hard as I can. A recent burst of inspiration has hit and helped to propel me forward more than I thought I would be propelled and it makes things easier, but that isn’t what keeps me going. If we all waited for inspiration or motivation to find us we would rarely get anything done. There’s this misunderstanding when it comes to work and our personal goals. Motivation hits and we get hyped for this new project or this new step in our lives, then after the motivation ends we lose sight of that and let the fire fizzle out.

I think too many of us, myself included, mix up Motivation and Dedication. Motivation hits hard and burns out fast. It’s the rush of a new book idea, or the inspiration to hit the gym and look like Jason Momoa. It’s the spark that we need to isolate and start the fire with. Dedication and Determination are the fuel we add to that spark to make something of ourselves. I’ve had forty new book ideas in 2017 alone. I’ve written all of them down and kept focusing on the task at hand. I have so much to learn about this industry and I have so many balls in the air right now that I need to focus on and grow within. I can’t let the motivation to write something new hit me and get distracted. I like to keep this black + blue notebook with me all the time. I write poetry and ideas and every thought I have that could take me somewhere within it. They are the sparks that are meant to start fires. Afterwards, when I have time I go back and look them over to establish if it is something I really want or if it is just a fleeting idea.

I am in control of the universe before me. There is no doubt in my mind about that. So I am the one who gets to rise out of the coffin every morning like a vampire and decide what I will work towards. I am the one who must stoke the bonfire inside my heart, no one else can do that for me. A million sparks can start a brilliant fire but if you don’t have anything to keep it burning then they were all a waste.

Some mornings, I feel like I could be dead with how exhausted I roll off of my couch. Don’t take this the wrong way, I’ve had plenty of days where it seems impossible to get off of the couch and move on with my day. It sucks to feel the weight of my duties, self imposed or not. The fact is, I have a dream. I promised myself and some other people I would be something so my only option is to get up and become it. I’m supposed to be infinite, but that doesn’t mean things are always easy.

If you’re feeling that set back, that dragging in your heart with whatever the project you’ve got going on… Don’t give up.

Get up. Fight. Fight until your body is breaking down. You can accomplish anything.

If that’s the gym.

If it’s music.

Or writing.

Or film.

Or acting.

Or marketing.

Engineering.

Teaching.

Training.

Parenting.

It doesn’t matter what you’ve got going on, I don’t care what you’re doing I just want you to keep doing it.

Don’t give up. Drag your zombified body out of the coffin and smile at yourself. Find some wood in the forest and keep your fire burning. No matter what you’re doing, no matter where you’re doing it…

I’m with you, friend.

www.linmtba.com

Don’t forget! I’ve got YouTube vids coming our tomorrow + Sunday! Get hyped cause it’s a lot of me being terrible at Mass Effect. Hope you’re into that. 😉