Black Garden

Standard

Oh thee, living life in such a way as fangs upturned,

Those, the wolves who’ve not yet earned the blood drenched fears of the morning not yet come.

I pity your hands whose work is not yet done.2018.2.22- Black Garden.jpeg

I  often consider the possibility if things turn out a bit differently. Should I have done such and such thing, would my world be drastically different if I had never done this insignificant task?

I pose a question to you today, first, as yourself as I have:

What would my life be like had I not done (any series of events that your have been a part of or have seen.)?

Then, when you’ve answered that question, consider this.

Life is here. It is daunting. There are things within each of our own lives that are difficult to fathom.

How a man can arm himself and enter a school, with the intent to kill innocent children, convicted of no crime? How can the world around not stop to see that it was one of our own children, or friends, how can we continue along these paths that we see lead nowhere?

How can one we love betray us?

How can we continue to argue over the world when our words are used so frequently they have lost all meaning?

How can we wake up the new day, and tell it of our discoveries?

How can we venture to a new world bravely, with nothing to show in our past but cowardice and pain?

How can we heal?

How can we rebuild?

How can we recover?

How can we breathe again?

How can we ask ourselves any of these questions without first considering this…

You are here. now.

Hold your loved ones tight, tonight. Keep them close. The reality is that this world is cruel and unforgiving. The longer we spend within our own minds, worrying about timelines that don’t exist, the closer we come to extinction or eradication, whichever chooses to pull the trigger first. In my final days I will not be wondering how differently my life could have gone, no matter the pain or the tremors within it.

Those things which have come to pass will be as such tomorrow. Tomorrow there is time to consider the possibility of butterflies. Tonight, you must hold those you have. You must love them. You must be here. you must be now.

Because when tomorrow comes to you asking for a word, you may no longer have a breath to give.

True Cleric

Standard

I do what I do to help others. I know that not everyone needs what I have to offer, but someone, somewhere does.

As long as I can remember I’ve been a person that my friends come to for advice or help, for a laugh or for comfort. I have been a healer for as long as I remember playing this game, and because of that I have been witness to some terrible things. The world is a mean and rotten place sometimes, the shadows behind us can grow and become bigger than we ever thought they would, but there is still a glimmer of hope.

Shadows only grow when the light is brighter.

I bring this to you today, because I was scrolling through Twitter on a break from work and I saw someone I’ve followed for a couple years who I never really speak to tweet to their followers:

“The worst feeling is when you give all of your healing soul to someone and they take that from you.”

“I have a healing soul, it is my nature, but when I need healing, where is everyone else?”

“That’s all I’m saying, the people who heal you are broken too. I want to be healed.”

I was caught off guard initially by the series of tweets because it sounded like something between a cry for help and a cry for attention.

So I thought I’d do what I do best and talk about it today.

I will never tell you that there are people out there who don’t need encouragement or help or healing. We all find ourselves in times of distress or fear or whatever other damaging moment that life sends to you. We all have moments to shine and we all need moments to recover, but there has been this growing notion recently about people. It started with “Old Souls” and has grown to be so much more than that. Before I get into the hook here, I want to be clear with you, reader, I have been guilty of the very thing I am here to discuss. I am no stranger to the desire for attention and help. I need it just as much as the rest of us do, but that doesn’t change one important thing about our lives.

If your purpose is to heal, then you will heal. It is your purpose.

Explicitly and divinely appointed to your heart are the desire and the necessary tools needed to have a healing spirit. That being said, we have grown lazy in our interpretation of healing. The kindness that so many of us spend on one another has become a game of who can catch up faster. Social Media posts riddled with self-aggrandizing images of us helping the homeless or standing alongside a burn victim who we brought to the hospital, the stink in our heart of our desire to help and to heal has been infected with a more powerful urge to be noticed for the things that we do. I can be accused of this as well, even in some moments bragging about the kindness I share on this very blog, where two years later I disavowed those things I said, or rather, the way I said them.

There rests a fine plane between kindness and healing for the sake of purpose and doing it for the sake of attention and I’ve seen that when we say things in the vein of “Look at what I did today.” Or “Why is it that I give my all to help others, yet when I need help no one is there?” it tends to come from a place of attention hungry infection, not true healing or hope.

If we are designed to be healing spirits, why then, would we seek to do anything outside of our original purpose? If what we say is true, we are healers for the sake of being healers, why would we seek retribution or payment for simply acting out of our base instinct?

We wouldn’t.

Unless of course, we were maligned by infection of some sort.

In as much the same way we seek approval from our peers for marital, athletic or creative success, we have ventured into seeking that same approval from genuine actions such as empathy and kindness. There should be no payment due for healing given. We are not doctors. We are Clerics. We are healers and we should expect nothing in return for what we do.

Healers are, at their core, people who are capable of indescribable love. Sometimes I doubt that it is my own purpose, but I am trying to remember that I know what I should be doing. I’m trying to remember that I know where I should go. I will remember + I hope you all do as well…

There is no return payment on love.