14 Wolves

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If we were to consider every single problem and frustration that roots into our daily lives, rotten berry bushes pruned by the people that say things about you that aren’t true, the fruit of gossip being the easiest fruit to swallow but the hardest to digest, it feeds the deer and the bears that transfer the messages they hear to the world. Bears, obviously know better, (because duh.) and they move to the rivers that run through our lives, the rivers that waver and shift with collapsing banks, unable to be supported by the destruction of the forest in your heart. Deer and Elk feasting on bushes and foliage as they run the mill in the valleys and the gorges of your soul. These deer people might say terrible things they heard at the berry bushes, they might believe the signs that the tree branches painted with their dying limbs and spread those messages forward. Hearing this, the other animals have a tendency to run away from your soul and eventually, the park will die.

If you haven’t ever noticed through this blog, I am passionate about two things. English and Science. One of my favorite scientific concepts is seen in Ecology. The trophic cascade. (I added a link to Wikipedia so you can research more.) In case you don’t know I’ll drop the layman’s explanation, it is something that occurs when the top predator in a food web changes the behavior of the rest of the web. (In this instance, I am referring to a top down trophic cascade, however it can occur in the reverse as well.) Seeing as I am no master of the topic, I encourage you to investigate yourself if you have interest.

Consider checking out the viral YouTube video “How Wolves Change Rivers”

In 1995, 14 Grey Wolves were taken from Canada and reintroduced to Yellowstone Park, where their species had been vacant for some 70 years. The ripple effect of this one small change impacted the very geography of the park. 14 wolves entering the habitat changed the way the rivers flowed. This happened because of the aforementioned cascade. The wolves hunted elk, which were devouring the flora of the park due to a large population, they had eliminated habitats for a myriad of creatures that once made the place their home. The wolves hunted the elk, killing them, which was a start, but the elk began to migrate differently. Staying out of valleys and this allowed plants to grow back. The plants growing once more attracted birds and bears, the birds made homes in trees which had begun growing again, many of them multiplying in height within a few short years. This brought beavers, which built dams and brought in hosts of new creatures to live there. Fish, bugs, and more. Because they coyotes were being hunted, more rodents lived which brought about more predatory birds like hawks, creatures devoured the carrion of the hunted beasts and the ecosystem regenerated in a few years, then, most importantly to what I am bringing to you today, the new trees which had grown, strengthened the river banks, keeping them from collapsing and actually changing the way that the rivers flowed. They stayed their course, which helped the ecosystem thrive. The park was brought back to life all by the introduction of 14 wolves.

Consider this today, as you think about your place in life, where you are, what your park is like. Is your soul overrun with elk, devouring the plant life, keeping the homes from the ravens and bears that your soul needs to thrive?

Consider changing the way you perceive your day, I have been thinking on this topic a great deal because we are not that different from the complicated ecosystems around us. We thrive when all of us are working in cooperation, our body, mind and soul must be healthy and thriving for us to truly be healthy ourselves.

For me to be truly alive, I cannot focus on the lives of the deer and elk who are impeding the growth of my own personal ecosystem. I have sought out the assistance of 14 wolves, through their numbers small, I have found something that will kill the thoughts of laziness and sorrow within my mind. I brought about a change, and because I have seen it before I will watch as the wolves I create with my mind change the patterns of every other part of me. My body will stand stronger, fed off of food and love. My mind will grow stronger, because my body is healthy I will find myself willing to learn, to fight for what I love and know, I will be willing to gain wisdom and utilize it day to day, and through that, my soul will flourish, because the very rivers of my heart will find structure and meaning in my life.

If you are battling today, fighting to secure the park within your mind, I suggest that you introduce something new to your ecosystem. It need not be large or powerful, it only need be present and what you need it to be. Nothing more, nothing less.

Read a good book. Go to the gym. Cook food. Meditate. Pray. Go for a run. Find a new job. Dress up.

Write a book.

Kiss your love.

Adopt some wolves.

An announcement is coming on Sunday about the future of my books + such! make sure to follow me on social media to see it when it drops!

www.linmbta.com

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Buffalo Bouncy Balls (Year Two: 2015.9.18)

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I actually spoke with my mom not so long ago about this trip and the effect it had on me. I learned a lot of things in Reno that night.

A while back, I took a trip to Reno and it was pretty rough. I was followed around by a car for like… five miles of me looping around downtown Reno. I was pulled over for a tail light issue. I wasn’t able to hang out with any of the people I tried to spend time with. Some ignored me, some were busy, and all around it was a pretty rough trip. However, like everything else in this life, it wasn’t without wonderful things. At the end, I got to have lunch with my old friend Emma, who I hadn’t heard from in a number of minutes. (Months, maybe.) We talked about her schooling and her boyfriend and the band she was in at the time. I talked about books, basically. (That’s all I have to talk about anymore. I need to find new topics.) Regardless, it was great to see her bright shining face after two days of suck.

There was one other thing however, that I have been waiting to write about until the right time. That time would be right now, because of certain events in my life.

So, let me set the day…

I arrived in Reno, went to drop a book off to a girl I met in a Barnes & Noble on a previous trip. Found out she no longer worked there, since I didn’t get any of her information I couldn’t message her or anything. So I left the bookstore kind of bummed. (Something I never do. Not from a book store.) I then stopped off at the mall and at some other stores to poke around and kill time. After so long I headed out. It was getting late, so I texted another friend asking to hang out. They didn’t reply. I texted the next person I wanted to see and likewise they didn’t reply either, so I was driving around Reno with no real goal in mind. Just looking for something cool to visit. Then, the second friend sent me a message telling me that they would be off work late but they would love to see me. So I parked my car in a Target parking lot and read “It” until I was to get word back, I sat in that parking lot for almost two hours, about an hour and a half after they told me they would be finished working and ready to meet up. So I figured, whatever, I’m starving. I need to get food. If nobody else messages me back I’ll find a place to crash and do so. So, I had never been to a Buffalo Wild Wings and there was one in the parking lot, so I popped over and decided to grab some food. After I had put in my order I sat on the bench listening to music and watching the people there.

Among the people coming to eat, there was this one waitress who I’m still pretty sure thought I was stalking her because every time I happened to look her way she was looking at me, and eventually she started taking the long way around the entrance. But hey, if by some longshot she’s reading this, I just thought you were cute. I wasn’t trying to be creepy, I promise. It was definitely an accident and I am not insane. I just don’t know when to blink, really.

Regardless of that, all these people were running around and completing tasks, getting beer, running food, seating tables. It felt homey to watch because that is my element, the chaos of a restaurant on a busy night is one of the places I feel most at home. Standing amid this clamor of people was an older gentleman in a black polo with black jeans and some non-slip work shoes, holding a 40 gallon trash bag full of bouncy balls. Propped up before him was one of those arcade machines where you use a claw to get a toy of some kind for 50 cents. The front door was open and this guy was placing these rubber balls into the container, slowly and carefully. I ended up watching him do it for close to twenty minutes because it was so enthralling.

My first thought was that his job probably sucks. He has to go into a bunch of really loud places with screaming kids and grumpy parents and greasy pizza and load these dumb balls into glass containers so people can blow money trying to get them. As soon as I had this thought, it was replaced by another. The look on this guy’s face.

It was the most peaceful, happy look I have seen in years. He was just smiling into the glass box and taking these rubber balls one at a time and moving them around, making sure that they all sat comfortably. I began to wonder why I didn’t have that look as often.

There was this guy, who had what seemed like a pretty boring job, who looked like he was loving every second of it. Adjusting, placing, grabbing a new ball and repeating the process. I wonder how often people have seen me working at any of my jobs and seen the same look. Probably not nearly as often as I’d like, or at all. I tend to have resting bitch face. Even if I’m on top of the world, my face still apparently tells people that someone dumped on my shoes before I came into work. One guy at a table even told me I always looked like I could smell something bad.

Maybe it was me, I dunno. Maybe he was trying to hint at something without hurting my feelings. (This whole thing will be relevant again next week. Just so you know.)

Anyway, as I watched this guy, I started playing out his thoughts in my own head. Just a made up scenario based on what I was seeing. He was standing there, maybe humming a tune to himself, maybe thinking about all the kids that were going to be over the top to realize that they now have their very own bouncy ball. Maybe his next stop was a strip joint and he was excited to see the women. I have no idea.

What I do know, is regardless of the reason, that guy enjoyed what he was doing in that moment. It was one of those small moments that changed my outlook forever.

So, next time either of us are stupid busy at work, or we are having a rough night, let’s think about rubber ball guy. How happy he was to be doing his job. How okay he felt about the whole thing. Knowing that what he was doing right then was going to make someone happy in the future.

I may never see that man again, I probably won’t, but I will always carry that memory with me when I’m serving tables, cooking food, writing, or when a friend calls me asking for help at an ungodly hour of the night.

I will always remember that the things I’m doing now will hopefully make someone feel like a happy child in the near future.

I’ve got to say, that’s a good feeling. I hope one day I get to give all of you a cool rubber ball and you end up smiling like that guy at Buffalo Wild Wings. Then we can all get together in a big room and bounce and smile together.

Yeah, that sounds like fun.

If you enjoyed this blog post + it helped bring a smile to your face, consider picking up the compilation book that it is a part of. 🙂

Gemstones (Year Three – 2016.2.5)

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So, I’ve spoken about some of my mentors in the music scene before, specifically Mod Sun who has been one of the people I’ve looked up to for a few years because of the happy and positive lifestyle that he leads. Not long after publishing my blog post “Make a Mod Sun” I started to notice changes in his demeanor and his music, and I foolishly let it affect me. This, coupled with the realization that my journey isn’t over and that I am still actively struggling with a lot of things myself led to a pretty terrible state of mind.

I lived in this half in, half out sort of way for a few months. I was openly preaching about happiness and love and all the stuff I regularly preach about, and yet I wasn’t living my life in the same way. It was frustrating, and I felt as if I was letting myself down, and at the same time I was letting down everyone who I had lifted up over the course of my journey. That being said, the fastest way to solve a problem within yourself is to detect it.

I watched my actions as I would reflexively snap at people simply because I was angry or upset that day. I would grow near tantrum throwing like a child when things didn’t go my way, and I began to realize that I am a control freak. This realization, at first, negatively affected my everyday life. I saw that I was acting like a child, which frustrated me even more, so I continued acting like a child. Which frustrated me even more, so on and so forth.

I had gotten fed up with who I was turning into (or rather, regressing back to being) and decided that I had finally had enough. I was done taking a back seat while my attitude and my mood declined with each passing day. Every time I woke up it felt as if I was pushing back all of the hard work I have put forth to become the man that I want to be, regardless of the outside helps I’ve had. It was something that I had built. That I had done.

The power to make it or break it all rested on my shoulders.

This realization came heavily, as I sat down after a particularly bad day at work where I endured a lot of bad-mouthing from customers, and people whining over things I had no control over. I returned to my house after my shift had ended, confused because I had been used to that only a month or so prior. Where did that resilience go?

Well, the answer, I wasn’t looking at things in my life the same way anymore. I took to talking shit about people instead of praising their good qualities. I saw the bad, not the good. I stopped looking up for a while. I know I promised that I would move on from this topic a few posts ago, but I needed to touch on it once more.

The best way, I’ve found, to get out of a funk of anger and sadness is to purposefully do something good for someone else. Whether you want to or not. (Usually, you won’t want to. Especially if you’re being a grump.) So earlier this week when I was asked by a friend to come help her set up a catering because they were short-handed…

I said yes. Don’t misunderstand me. I really wanted to say no. I wanted to take the time today to sleep in and wake up in the afternoon with another 12 hour night under my belt. I wanted to stay away from anything I didn’t have to do.

That’s the problem.

So when she texted me, before I allowed myself time to think about it or to come up with excuses, I said yes. I would be there, of course I would. She is my friend. Friends support one another, and if I can’t support her, I shouldn’t boast about being her friend.

So here I am. It’s 8 something in the morning on the day of, and I feel so much better. Simply by offering to help someone else instead of wallow in self-pity and bad thoughts, I’ve managed to flip around my mentality once more. The greatest thing about people asking me how I got to the mentality that I did is that no one understands how simple it is.

I’ve learned a lot over this last year, and 2016 is going to the biggest year yet. So I want to keep sharing all of the things I’ve learned. I’ve been asked a lot, as if I’ve finished my journey or something, how I got to the positive state of mind I’ve found myself in. I’ve gotten messages from people I love telling me that I’ve inspired them and that I’ve helped them through dark times.

It honors me every time I receive them, because I never expected my words to be capable of doing so. I always wanted them to, but for years I was certain that I would have no impact…

Until I decided to assure my impact. I decided that it was time to assure a positive one.

When life starts weighing me down (because I certainly am not finished walking this long road) I look back to the posts that helped other people going, I look back and read them as if I wasn’t the one who wrote them. When I’ve been feeling sad, I look to my other friends making art and jokes and laughing and smiling and it gives me the energy to keep going.

I’ve said it before, this blog was started so that I could remind myself why life is an incredible adventure that I am meant to enjoy, but when I look back on all these little gemstones. Reading messages of inspiration from people I love and talking to them about all the delicate intricacies of life… They inspire me. They remind me that, even though I started this business for myself it has grown to be so much more important than that.

I don’t do this for me anymore. I do this for all of us.

That, is a great reason to keep going. Thank you for your inspiration in good times. Thank you for your support in bad times. I hope that you can look back on these posts as gemstones too, to be reminded that no matter how deep we are in it…

Life isn’t meant to be awful.

If you liked this blog post + would like to learn how to fight dragons, you can check out the Year Three compilation on my website or over on Amazon!

I’ve also started a Ko-fi account, if you would like to pick your polar bear boy up a cuppa joe I would be honored. Thank you for continuing to follow me. (even when I forget to upload videos for like six days.)

Living Suite

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I like music, do you?

Holy shit, The Darling Bones has been out for almost two full months now, you can pick it up on Amazon or at my website, the links are at the bottom of the page! 🙂

I’ve been a musician for almost as long as I’ve been an author. My passion for melody and verse is only conquered by my love of words. When I create new writings they are always, always accompanied by some kind of music. Spotify has become a staple in my life, as I use it to build writing playlists for every piece I create. The Darling Bones, Gold Rush and Coward all have one. As well as my current WIP Inkworks. (Check out the links if you want to see what inspired the writings.)

One of my favorite musical concepts is the suite. A suite is simply a group of short songs that are meant to play in succession. One after another, one of my favorites that has come out recently is on California based rapper Watsky’s latest album x Infinity, its called The Lovely Thing Suite. It details so many beautiful concepts and ideas with his signature wit and lyricism and every listen I consider my own life a bit more. The thing is, the suite isn’t one whole song. It also isn’t a group of separate songs. It is a whole piece that is separate and distinct but meant to come together and form one idea or concept or evoke a feeling as a unit.

I think our lives are like that, obviously, we can’t see into the future but you can see that wherever you are right now you might be feeling the lows. The blue and melancholy of a loss of life, I know a few people who are struggling with that now. Maybe you are feeling the green envy of someone else’s love life or relationship. I know some of those too. Maybe you’re bright red and angry. Maybe you’re purple and in love, yellow and happy. You’re feeling all of these things in this moment and it’s impossible for us to see ahead. We don’t get to skip tracks in our life, as much as it can be desired some days. We must listen to each piece through and through.

That comes with the highs, the beautiful crescendo of falling in love. The nails against a chalkboard sound that we hear when a friendship ends. The raging cacophony of drum blasts when we lose a job, or are forced to relocate. The nearly silent whisper of loneliness. Each of these things will play in our album and we have no way of knowing what is next. Today, I’m feeling heavy drums and bass as I bounce my head on the way to work. My job is good, my friends are good, my family is good, my God is good and I am happy today. Perhaps in two weeks something will happen, my track will end and I will move on to the next motion of the piece but that is such a joy to me. No matter how dark my future is, or yours is, we are still here singing with one another.

We are still here tying our nooses only to slip them around us and slice the threads.

Today, remember that not everyone will make it out of theirs. Some of us feel those beats and beatings more than others. Some of us don’t know how to dim the music, they don’t know when the song will end and that scares them.

It isn’t romantic, no. It breaks my heart.

For every morose melody you’ve heard this year, think of all the bright ones. The songs that played when you were out with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Or the songs that played when you took pride home with your paycheck. Think of the way the stars danced while you sat out with your friends smoking and drinking and listening to the music your lives create, one suite meeting another and creating a harmony that spilled new tunes into the milky sky.

Your song isn’t over yet, don’t let it end prematurely. Keep listening. Keep hearing the lyrics. Keep fighting for the next few minutes. Songs are much shorter than our lives will be, Our lives are much longer than the ropes that we can tie ourselves.

Don’t give up.

Keep singing.

The Darling Bones (Salt and Iron Productions)

The Darling Bones (Amazon)

Small Things

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So as you likely have noticed, I’ve been absent for a few days. I apologize for that. I needed to get my shit together, I needed to have a talk with the gentleman in this blog post, evidently.

As for the business front, some things will be changing and most things will be staying the same. I’ll be putting up the first official Vlog next weekend, as well as beginning Spoooky Saturday and Dyzygy + Friends.

Oh yeah, I HAVE A NOVEL COMING OUT THE 21ST.

There is this guy that comes into my work all the time, he and his mother order the same thing each day and they show up early, his mom pays for it and he waits around to pick it up from us. While he waits he will walk around the restaurant, speaking to random customers and telling them stories.

The way he busts into stories astounds even me, and I can Segway into just about anything. He just walks up to you and starts talking like you weren’t doing anything else just before he showed up. It’s like a phantom confidence that surrounds the dude that he just knows you’ll pay attention to him when he walks up to you, and if you decide not to pay any attention to him he doesn’t care he will just walk off and find someone who will.

He was shot in the head when he was younger.

I don’t have all of the details despite hearing the story a couple times a week, and it isn’t any of my business to repeat to you. But that is why he is the way he is, he lost sight in one eye and his mind doesn’t seem to function like the rest of our minds do. So he tells stories, it’s usually one of three. A kid he knew back when he was still in school, the bumper sticker on his mom’s car and how he got shot. Some of the people I work with are really bothered by how he is, that he has no social graces and doesn’t care about what we are doing when he wants to talk to us. A couple of the employees make it a point to speak to him every time he is in, because they know that he probably just wants to talk to us cause he wants to talk to us. I don’t know why he tells the same stories every single time he sees us, but it’s been a nice wake up call.

You know when you start behaving one way and you eventually get into a routine even though it’s a poisonous routine and should just not be that way ever but still are? I’ve been there. I have been having a back and forth battle with myself between letting my jaded and cynical side prevail or continuing the toothache fight that is being sweet and gentle all the time. (Spoiler alert: Cynicism is winning.)

Then the other day when I was working, just before going out of Elko for a friend’s birthday camping trip he came in and wandered around just like he always does. He spoke to a handful of tables, one older woman in particular looked especially incensed that he bothered her meal, to that I hope she knows she can get bent. Then after a while he came up to me at the bar and told me about his injury once more. I nodded along at the perfect cues and said “Wow, that’s crazy.” Like I do every other time.

There was nothing especially different about that day, I woke up late after spending time with my friends the previous day. I finished the edit for another book, I went to work and I set my sights on making it through another day without a cigarette and hopefully without a meltdown, but I realized how shitty I treated the guy.

Not so much that he knows I treat him shitty either, it is in how I react to him entering the building. I see him and know that he will tell me one of three stories that I’ve heard a million times and I have memorized how he tells them so that I can nod when he gets to a specific place and the nod is timed so well that it urges him on. Then after he finishes showing me a scar I’ll say “Oh my goodness. That’s crazy.” Then if his food isn’t finished he will go on to tell me about his mom’s bumper sticker and how much he loves her sense of humor. At first I would truly laugh when he spoke and anymore I just force a fake chuckle and say “Boy that really is funny!”

A week or so ago a new girl started, on her third day she said something to me that stuck with me. I was giving someone shit behind the bar and making a joke about how the restaurant was a prison and we would all die there. (You know, cause I’m light-hearted.) and she looked at me to say:

“I thought I was the most cynical person in this town and I’m surprised I’ve been proven wrong.”

I wanted to argue, but she was right. I knew she was right when our friend came into the restaurant and told me his story again and I replied again just like every other time I have. I made it a point to repeat myself and make sure that I didn’t give any possibility for expanding conversation.

What?

I felt like one of the guards in Skyrim with limited options for conversation. The adventurer came up to me and all I just repeated the same shit a million times.

“I took an arrow to the knee.”

“Oh my goodness that’s crazy!”

It likely wouldn’t bother me so much if the girl who called me out for my cynicism wasn’t such good friends with an old co-worker who used to praise me and marvel at my genuine kindness.  I wonder if it disappeared when I failed one too many of my own tests. Maybe I lost it in the grandiose plans I make. Maybe I lost it with my free time. I think the most likely problem that I’ve begun facing is that I am constantly eye to eye with drama and power hungry dragons that I’ve given up on fighting. It isn’t like I lost the sword, it is like the sword isn’t there anymore.

What I’m saying through eighty million veils is that our regular lasagna guy came in the other day and helped me find the handle. I realized how important it was that I would always tell myself that each day I wake up was a gift. It had been so long since I really heard that, that it shocked me to hear it once again. He always mumbles something under his breath in between his stories when he is wandering around the restaurant. Like most people, I tuned it out. I stopped listening after he exited his story because my life is just “too busy” for him. I don’t have forty seconds to take out of my day and humor a man whose life was changed dramatically. He came in again and was speaking with one of my other coworkers, a girl who found her passion in working with the disabled and handicapped. I was half listening to their conversation when the magic hit me again. He was mumbling to her and as always I was ignoring it, then, unlike myself she truly responded to him.

“Yeah, it is a great thing to wake up every day.”

She said it and for a second everything stopped. The people stopped moving, glasses stopped clinking, the clock stopped ticking for five seconds. I needed that five seconds to remember that.

Holy shit. I woke up today.

What am I being such a grumpy bitch for? I’m still alive. I have a job that I enjoy. I get to do my passion every day. I don’t want for any single thing in this world and I’m still trying to justify being a mean little bastard all the time?

Life is a lot of big things. Job changes that make you relocate, marriage, divorce, childbirth, the passing of our loved ones, the birthday celebrations that mean a lot, the advent of beginning your career. There are so many big moments that we focus on to make our lives. I had been waiting for six months to win a competition that as it turns out, I didn’t even get an honorable mention in. I was furious at first, because I thought I deserved it. It would have been one of those big, life changing moments, but I failed. I spent a day or so moping about my house frustrated by how unfair the world is. Then I went to work and saw the guy again.

All this time I was ignoring the thing I needed to be reminded of the most.

“Every day I wake up is a blessing.”

Even if I’m not where I want to be, even if I don’t have a handle on things like I thought I would at this point, even if I come home sometimes absolutely furious about my work life, even if I bicker with my friends, even if most of my meals are crammed into my jaws in the midst of a busy shift, even if I have to curl up in the fetal position to lie in my bed and not hang off… I am here still. I can still do what I love. I still have a job. I have friends who care about me enough to tell me I’m wrong. I can still eat whenever I want to. I still have a bed to lie down to sleep in and tell myself that “everything is just so unfair.” And in the morning I can wake up and remind myself for the millionth time (because I need to often.) that yes, the world is unfair. Unfairness means that probability is slighted against us, and in that, it is absolutely unfair, but it is not unfair to us, not like we think. It is unfair to the universe. The chance of us even existing at all is so tiny we couldn’t comprehend it. I can’t claim to hate anything, because I was created, I was gifted life in the massive galactic mess and I can never one time take that for granted. Our lives are built up because of the small things we encounter day to day, not the big things that can change us forever.

I woke up today, and it is a good day.

Third Law

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There are men and women in this world who are proficient in magic, in our world that can come across as so many different things. Have you met someone who is great at speaking? Like they just know exactly what to say and when to say it? How abbout people who create beautiful sculptures out of glass? Or art that takes your breath away or makes you feel things you can’t describe. We all have magic inside of us, some of it is natural and some of it may be artificial, but it is always here.

I am seeking my own magic, and through it I have found that there are a handful of laws that I must follow in my journey to truly uncover what my magic can really do.

This is the Third Law.

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www.linmtba.com

 

Waking up in Coffins

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I finished writing this + was upset that it wasn’t going to be posted until tomorrow because I’ve been up since god knows when thinking it is Thursday. Happy Friday, friends. Stay blessed.

It’s pretty popular knowledge to my group of friends and family that I’m garbage at hearing my alarms in the morning. I just sleep through the noise and ignore them. Most times these days I don’t even shut the alarms off, which it probably frustrating as hell to the people I stay with. I generally don’t get into bed until late in the night turned morning. I work hardest when the sun is hiding, and that’s how it’s always been. Still I try to get up early to get in work in the AM too.

When I was younger, I used to say that I would sleep through my alarms because I wanted to live in a dream. To that, I call bullshit.

Why would I feel the need to live in a dream in the middle of the night when I’ve got all of the tools necessary to make my life a dream when I’m awake? That’s a big thing I wanted to touch on today. So many of us, myself included, use everything in our power to skip out on life. We live vicariously through reality television or video games. We spend all of our time within the pages of a book begging to live in those worlds. We come up with Zombie Survival plans and Armageddon Preparedness rituals and all of our time gets ripped up between that, work, and sleep.

I’ve gotta be honest with you guys. I think this whole sleep thing, at least while you’re young is bullshit. Maybe I’ll regret saying that and living like I do when I’m 50 but I’ll deal with that when I’m fifty years old and I have more time to sleep.

I don’t want to live inside a dream my mind made when I laid down. I want to wake up every day and build my dreams right in front of me. It might seem kind of weird coming from an author, but I don’t want to spend my whole life wishing I had the abilities and the magic of the characters I read in books when those abilities are already latent inside of my soul.

Recently I’ve been back to sleeping few hours a night and working as hard as I can. A recent burst of inspiration has hit and helped to propel me forward more than I thought I would be propelled and it makes things easier, but that isn’t what keeps me going. If we all waited for inspiration or motivation to find us we would rarely get anything done. There’s this misunderstanding when it comes to work and our personal goals. Motivation hits and we get hyped for this new project or this new step in our lives, then after the motivation ends we lose sight of that and let the fire fizzle out.

I think too many of us, myself included, mix up Motivation and Dedication. Motivation hits hard and burns out fast. It’s the rush of a new book idea, or the inspiration to hit the gym and look like Jason Momoa. It’s the spark that we need to isolate and start the fire with. Dedication and Determination are the fuel we add to that spark to make something of ourselves. I’ve had forty new book ideas in 2017 alone. I’ve written all of them down and kept focusing on the task at hand. I have so much to learn about this industry and I have so many balls in the air right now that I need to focus on and grow within. I can’t let the motivation to write something new hit me and get distracted. I like to keep this black + blue notebook with me all the time. I write poetry and ideas and every thought I have that could take me somewhere within it. They are the sparks that are meant to start fires. Afterwards, when I have time I go back and look them over to establish if it is something I really want or if it is just a fleeting idea.

I am in control of the universe before me. There is no doubt in my mind about that. So I am the one who gets to rise out of the coffin every morning like a vampire and decide what I will work towards. I am the one who must stoke the bonfire inside my heart, no one else can do that for me. A million sparks can start a brilliant fire but if you don’t have anything to keep it burning then they were all a waste.

Some mornings, I feel like I could be dead with how exhausted I roll off of my couch. Don’t take this the wrong way, I’ve had plenty of days where it seems impossible to get off of the couch and move on with my day. It sucks to feel the weight of my duties, self imposed or not. The fact is, I have a dream. I promised myself and some other people I would be something so my only option is to get up and become it. I’m supposed to be infinite, but that doesn’t mean things are always easy.

If you’re feeling that set back, that dragging in your heart with whatever the project you’ve got going on… Don’t give up.

Get up. Fight. Fight until your body is breaking down. You can accomplish anything.

If that’s the gym.

If it’s music.

Or writing.

Or film.

Or acting.

Or marketing.

Engineering.

Teaching.

Training.

Parenting.

It doesn’t matter what you’ve got going on, I don’t care what you’re doing I just want you to keep doing it.

Don’t give up. Drag your zombified body out of the coffin and smile at yourself. Find some wood in the forest and keep your fire burning. No matter what you’re doing, no matter where you’re doing it…

I’m with you, friend.

www.linmtba.com

Don’t forget! I’ve got YouTube vids coming our tomorrow + Sunday! Get hyped cause it’s a lot of me being terrible at Mass Effect. Hope you’re into that. 😉