Building Pyramids

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This is the last month of Noose Ends, and I’m planning the next movement now. I’m excited to finish this year. It has been full of love and joy and excitement, rife with sadness and pain and I have come out with so many beautiful stories to tell. I’m excited to bring you into the following year with me.

I can’t explain much in this life, I can tell you with certainty though that the stories we are writing are all worth it. I promise you that much. I’ve wasted a lot of nights worrying and fretting about things that aren’t real, that won’t happen, that don’t even exist. When I was younger I first heard this rumor about Stephen King. That he hired bodyguards to stand outside his bedroom at night when he sleeps so that the things that he created won’t be able to get to him. It was a silly rumor and maybe it is true, couldn’t tell you. Don’t honestly want to find out about it because if it is true it will invalidate everything I’m about to say.

Oops.

The point is, I’ve spent hours of my life worrying about fake scenarios in my head and things that don’t matter in the long run. I create these monsters for a living and it has become my go to for real life scenarios. A while back I was panicked about something and talking to my mother, who grabbed my head and whispered to me:

“Chaim, you need to go to sleep.”

Referencing Chaim the Writer, a Seraphim from my novel universe, who writes the aspects of the story down and is sort of the main force in my writing. I’ve often joked about him living in my head because of the frequency that I will have story ideas for myself to write down. We all do this in different ways, I happen to make stories out of my fears. I haven’t gotten so proficient at writing just by luck, I’m constantly telling myself about things that don’t exist. I haven’t gotten good at the whole happy endings to the silly stories thing yet, but I’m working on it.

I like to think about things in triangles, by that I mean there are three angles to every scenario. The first, is my point, which can range from totally factual and honest to completely made up and panic stricken fairytale. Then there is the second point, the other party. Whatever they feel or think, which can stem from fairytales like my own to nothing but hard hitting facts and logic, then there is the third point which is the outside influence, what do others see and say about things? This mentality affects everything in my life from my personal relationships to my business. There is what I want, what others want, and what the world thinks I want. The important part of all of this is that there is another aspect that I don’t’ think about often. All of those points are valid and need to be examined, perhaps not all of them taken seriously, but at the least need to be seen. Then there is one more aspect in the center of it that sits at the root of the diagram I draw in my head.

That I am in control.

I may not control others actions, or thoughts, but I can control my own and I will continue to do so for as long as I live, because why would I let myself live without control over my own mentality?

So, with that said, it brings me back to the Stephen King rumor I brought up. I am great at making up scenarios that don’t make any sense or that just simply aren’t true. As a matter of fact, I’m so good at it that I’ve done it for a living. I’ve only recently been better about calming down and not letting those scenarios freak me out, I’m looking at the whole pyramid, not just the base triangle. Hanging above every problem in your life, real or imaginary, there is something you should keep in mind. The point above all of the other three is that you will always control your reaction and your own actions, there is nothing else you can do at that point, so don’t let it rib you.

You built the pyramid, after all. No monsters will get inside. Just lie down and sleep soundly.

www.linmtba.com

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Small Things

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So as you likely have noticed, I’ve been absent for a few days. I apologize for that. I needed to get my shit together, I needed to have a talk with the gentleman in this blog post, evidently.

As for the business front, some things will be changing and most things will be staying the same. I’ll be putting up the first official Vlog next weekend, as well as beginning Spoooky Saturday and Dyzygy + Friends.

Oh yeah, I HAVE A NOVEL COMING OUT THE 21ST.

There is this guy that comes into my work all the time, he and his mother order the same thing each day and they show up early, his mom pays for it and he waits around to pick it up from us. While he waits he will walk around the restaurant, speaking to random customers and telling them stories.

The way he busts into stories astounds even me, and I can Segway into just about anything. He just walks up to you and starts talking like you weren’t doing anything else just before he showed up. It’s like a phantom confidence that surrounds the dude that he just knows you’ll pay attention to him when he walks up to you, and if you decide not to pay any attention to him he doesn’t care he will just walk off and find someone who will.

He was shot in the head when he was younger.

I don’t have all of the details despite hearing the story a couple times a week, and it isn’t any of my business to repeat to you. But that is why he is the way he is, he lost sight in one eye and his mind doesn’t seem to function like the rest of our minds do. So he tells stories, it’s usually one of three. A kid he knew back when he was still in school, the bumper sticker on his mom’s car and how he got shot. Some of the people I work with are really bothered by how he is, that he has no social graces and doesn’t care about what we are doing when he wants to talk to us. A couple of the employees make it a point to speak to him every time he is in, because they know that he probably just wants to talk to us cause he wants to talk to us. I don’t know why he tells the same stories every single time he sees us, but it’s been a nice wake up call.

You know when you start behaving one way and you eventually get into a routine even though it’s a poisonous routine and should just not be that way ever but still are? I’ve been there. I have been having a back and forth battle with myself between letting my jaded and cynical side prevail or continuing the toothache fight that is being sweet and gentle all the time. (Spoiler alert: Cynicism is winning.)

Then the other day when I was working, just before going out of Elko for a friend’s birthday camping trip he came in and wandered around just like he always does. He spoke to a handful of tables, one older woman in particular looked especially incensed that he bothered her meal, to that I hope she knows she can get bent. Then after a while he came up to me at the bar and told me about his injury once more. I nodded along at the perfect cues and said “Wow, that’s crazy.” Like I do every other time.

There was nothing especially different about that day, I woke up late after spending time with my friends the previous day. I finished the edit for another book, I went to work and I set my sights on making it through another day without a cigarette and hopefully without a meltdown, but I realized how shitty I treated the guy.

Not so much that he knows I treat him shitty either, it is in how I react to him entering the building. I see him and know that he will tell me one of three stories that I’ve heard a million times and I have memorized how he tells them so that I can nod when he gets to a specific place and the nod is timed so well that it urges him on. Then after he finishes showing me a scar I’ll say “Oh my goodness. That’s crazy.” Then if his food isn’t finished he will go on to tell me about his mom’s bumper sticker and how much he loves her sense of humor. At first I would truly laugh when he spoke and anymore I just force a fake chuckle and say “Boy that really is funny!”

A week or so ago a new girl started, on her third day she said something to me that stuck with me. I was giving someone shit behind the bar and making a joke about how the restaurant was a prison and we would all die there. (You know, cause I’m light-hearted.) and she looked at me to say:

“I thought I was the most cynical person in this town and I’m surprised I’ve been proven wrong.”

I wanted to argue, but she was right. I knew she was right when our friend came into the restaurant and told me his story again and I replied again just like every other time I have. I made it a point to repeat myself and make sure that I didn’t give any possibility for expanding conversation.

What?

I felt like one of the guards in Skyrim with limited options for conversation. The adventurer came up to me and all I just repeated the same shit a million times.

“I took an arrow to the knee.”

“Oh my goodness that’s crazy!”

It likely wouldn’t bother me so much if the girl who called me out for my cynicism wasn’t such good friends with an old co-worker who used to praise me and marvel at my genuine kindness.  I wonder if it disappeared when I failed one too many of my own tests. Maybe I lost it in the grandiose plans I make. Maybe I lost it with my free time. I think the most likely problem that I’ve begun facing is that I am constantly eye to eye with drama and power hungry dragons that I’ve given up on fighting. It isn’t like I lost the sword, it is like the sword isn’t there anymore.

What I’m saying through eighty million veils is that our regular lasagna guy came in the other day and helped me find the handle. I realized how important it was that I would always tell myself that each day I wake up was a gift. It had been so long since I really heard that, that it shocked me to hear it once again. He always mumbles something under his breath in between his stories when he is wandering around the restaurant. Like most people, I tuned it out. I stopped listening after he exited his story because my life is just “too busy” for him. I don’t have forty seconds to take out of my day and humor a man whose life was changed dramatically. He came in again and was speaking with one of my other coworkers, a girl who found her passion in working with the disabled and handicapped. I was half listening to their conversation when the magic hit me again. He was mumbling to her and as always I was ignoring it, then, unlike myself she truly responded to him.

“Yeah, it is a great thing to wake up every day.”

She said it and for a second everything stopped. The people stopped moving, glasses stopped clinking, the clock stopped ticking for five seconds. I needed that five seconds to remember that.

Holy shit. I woke up today.

What am I being such a grumpy bitch for? I’m still alive. I have a job that I enjoy. I get to do my passion every day. I don’t want for any single thing in this world and I’m still trying to justify being a mean little bastard all the time?

Life is a lot of big things. Job changes that make you relocate, marriage, divorce, childbirth, the passing of our loved ones, the birthday celebrations that mean a lot, the advent of beginning your career. There are so many big moments that we focus on to make our lives. I had been waiting for six months to win a competition that as it turns out, I didn’t even get an honorable mention in. I was furious at first, because I thought I deserved it. It would have been one of those big, life changing moments, but I failed. I spent a day or so moping about my house frustrated by how unfair the world is. Then I went to work and saw the guy again.

All this time I was ignoring the thing I needed to be reminded of the most.

“Every day I wake up is a blessing.”

Even if I’m not where I want to be, even if I don’t have a handle on things like I thought I would at this point, even if I come home sometimes absolutely furious about my work life, even if I bicker with my friends, even if most of my meals are crammed into my jaws in the midst of a busy shift, even if I have to curl up in the fetal position to lie in my bed and not hang off… I am here still. I can still do what I love. I still have a job. I have friends who care about me enough to tell me I’m wrong. I can still eat whenever I want to. I still have a bed to lie down to sleep in and tell myself that “everything is just so unfair.” And in the morning I can wake up and remind myself for the millionth time (because I need to often.) that yes, the world is unfair. Unfairness means that probability is slighted against us, and in that, it is absolutely unfair, but it is not unfair to us, not like we think. It is unfair to the universe. The chance of us even existing at all is so tiny we couldn’t comprehend it. I can’t claim to hate anything, because I was created, I was gifted life in the massive galactic mess and I can never one time take that for granted. Our lives are built up because of the small things we encounter day to day, not the big things that can change us forever.

I woke up today, and it is a good day.

Sandalwood Skin

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Last year I had the chance to spend time all over the country. I went to Oregon, to Georgia, Kansas and Alabama. I experienced so many beautiful things and I learned so much. I wish that I had been in a better place on those trips. I’m not saying they were a waste, but I am saying that I didn’t use all of my time available while I was there.

I know that because I ran out of sandalwood oil.

See, I have these little bottles of fragrance oil that I use after I smoke or before I go to work etc. Just to make sure I don’t actually smell like I spend all of my time at a desk in a den with two pups. On my trip to AL/GA/KS, I spent all of my oil because I was stressed. In OR I used it every thirty minutes to keep my cool or to remember all the lessons and the things I try to teach myself and those around me. If you have been following my blog for any amount of time you know that I often lose sight of things. I think a part of that stems from my levels of “Oh shit I have so much to do today/thisweek/thismonth/thislifetime etc.”

It is pretty easy to lose your grasp on things, even if they are sacred to you. The last blog post was about sacred things, and monsters. I focused more on the latter and didn’t really get to the meat of how I’ve been feeling lately. My birthday is right around the corner and I take a lot of time at the end of March to look at my life + who I am. Am I happy with who I’m becoming?

Not for most of last year, no.

That’s because I spent all of my oil on things I didn’t need to worry about. I used it every time I was even a tiny bit stressed. When big things came around I was helpless to them. All I could do to survive was cling to an empty bottle and watch the world around me.

The reason I brought up those trips is because they were the two moments last year when my life changed the most dramatically. My best friend was married in OR and I met one of my oldest friends for the first time in AL. Those were huge moments that affected me dramatically. Good things and bad things came from them both, due to various situations. No, don’t get the idea that my best friend getting married was bad, it was magical. His wife his beautiful inside and out and seeing them in love gives me immeasurable hope for my own life and the future of all of us.

I thought about my business and the way I write and work in AL, I considered that I potentially do too much. I’m a guy who likes organization. Even if it is messy, I know where all of my projects stand and I know what I need to do to accomplish them. I might get a bit delayed, but my work is never lost on me. I know what and where I need to put in effort. That isn’t always said for my personal relationships.

In OR I sat outside the trailer on my last day and had a heart to heart with two friends where we spoke on relationships and love, what it meant to grow and how we were all changing as time passed. We talked about drama and about life for a long time around a dying camp fire. I went to sleep that night full of peace.

The next day on the drive home I was still present, but distracted. I wasn’t giving attention where I needed it. Instinctively I reached for my bottle of oil.

It was empty.

So I continued going on, still smelling the familiar stink of stress loft around my sinuses.

We returned and continued life, things went up and went down and I lost control of my relationships outside of my circle of friends. I was slipping. There was nothing inside of my mind stopping me from snapping or getting on peoples asses for silly things. I felt that anger and tension vividly in my day to day life.

Eventually it became clear to me that I needed to purchase a new bottle of oil. I needed an escape. The trip to KS/AL/GA was much the same. I was so impacted from meeting my friend that my mind was in the clouds for the following days. I desperately needed oil then. I needed to be brought back to the real world.

I can’t tell you what has happened from then till now, but I realized that I wasn’t invested in anything other than my own projects and matters. That’s so wack. I build this whole thing based on the happiness and importance of others, so I can’t give up on them.

We will run into many monsters, but our blessings outnumber them. I was reminded last month that I have a place to live, food to eat, friends who love me, family who would go to the end of the earth for me. I have so many things. Honestly, I have everything that I could need. I take that for granted so frequently, all these hot spots that I can pull oil from.

So I sunk my teeth in. I wedged myself into those blessings and remembered.

How we smell is important, but it isn’t everything. Oil won’t always sustain us, but it will cover up our foul scent until we can manage to get things under control.

Don’t worry if your bottle is empty, I’m sure that you can wash your broken heart and your various hurts inside the pools of others. Don’t hide your stains. Let them show. Don’t cover them with oils and fragrances. Wounds smell so terrible so that we will attend to them and clean them. Not so that we can cover them up.

If your oil bottle is empty today, toss it out, find a new one if you need, but don’t use it as a mask to cover the hurt you might be feeling. Get somewhere to think and figure out the next step. Find bandages in friendship, find cleaning solution in your job or your hobbies, find what you need to heal…

And scrub the layers of sandalwood from your skin.

Make sure to keep your eyes on www.linmtba.com + my social media profiles to see all the cool shit I’m gonna be giving you for my birthday.

Raising Curtain

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This week is the second week of my YouTube Channel’s life (sorta.) and if you really wanna have a good time, go check out the videos that I’m uploading tomorrow and Sunday! For schedules on my blog/video release schedule you can check out my website and be directed appropriately to those places + then you’ll never have to miss a video again!

It’s no secret that I like secrets. With the ciphers and codes I have built into my writing and business, I enjoy the element of mystery. It’s something remarkable to me when I am reading through a book or playing a game and I find a secret language or a message hidden in the pages or somewhere on the screen. I find a kind of thrill in it that I can’t describe. Like I once again managed to embrace that child like fascination with the world and I suddenly become a spy decoding some kind of message that could potentially save the world.

Of course, few of us ever truly reach that position in the real world. We are accountants and bankers, authors and mechanics. We manage apartment complexes and there is rarely complexity in our lives so we must substitute our own to fulfill some kind of rampant desire to understand more than we do.

It’s honorable, sure.

That’s what I’m talking to you about today. The concept of hiding things or disguising things in our own lives.

Often I hear from friends and family that they don’t understand other people. A while back I was having a conversation with my roommates and we were talking about human nature. How we don’t know what someone else is capable of ever, regardless of the situation we can never put a pin in someone elses motives. Why is that do you think?

I think I can justify it by using the secreat agent mentality. That we want so badly to understand and to seek, that internally we have a craving to crack codes and uncover things because of the rush it gives us. So in light of that, we spin this intricate web for ourselves behind the scenes and don’t reveal how it crosses over. We hold opinions that we don’t explain and we sit in the middle of these spider-like webs hoping (at least, I can only assume we are hoping) for someone else to come along and unravel the mess.

Why are we like that? I can’t tell you outright. As always with the blog it has to do with my own opinions and ideas, when it comes to this topic I just don’t understand it.

Why is it that we want to disguise our motives and ideas behind veils and curtains so that the people around us can’t understand what we are really up to? I am just as guilty as many others of this. I frequently keep things hidden up till the last minute in the hopes that someone will dig up what I’m doing, and then when someone does I get pissy and throw a fit because they are “in my business.”

What it boils down to is that we as a society have built a complex map of how things should be. We have polarized so many things and put people we respect in high seats, then in an attempt to understand them we dig through miles of spider silk in an effort to figure out their brain patterns. Perhaps for the thrill of the chase, perhaps for something more complicated. That’s just it though.

I did it there myself, Instead of looking at things as they are I assumed that there was a mor complicated motive behind our own actions, mine included. We have this intricate mind that can do more than we even comprehend and we want to understand that thing.

In our personal interactions we strive to leave some mystery in them, which leads to plenty of confusing and complicated situations. A friend of mine was involved with this guy once who was rather needy, wanting to see her frequently and spend time with her which I totally support. However he was angry when she told him she didn’t want to make a big deal out of their relationship. Also understandable. From the outside I heard one half of the story and it boiled down to this: One party wanted to remain as they were at that time while the other wanted to officially date this girl and make it public. There could be a host of things behind the root cause of their problem, jealousy, insecurity or whatever else, but as I heard the story I considered how much easier it would have been if both parties had just been upfront from the get go. They had spoken on their feelings a few times and it seemed to get better from that point, but not really, not from the outside looking in and from the messages I got from my friend, it wasn’t that great on the inside either. One or both of them were concealing something from the other. A motive, a reason, an assumption, the whole truth wasn’t being shared between them which ended up making the two conflict.

So we know the problem in our personal and professional lives. Your boss wants you to do something but won’t tell you why, your girlfriend expects you to behave a certain way but won’t tell you why, your children want you to believe something but won’t tell you why. So that leaves us at one simple conclusion.

We must stop acting as if we are spies. We have to consider the fact that others don’t know how to solve our puzzles. That people are not inherently built for the constant logical Olympics we as a race have decided to put one another through. We were meant to look at things face to face and understand them as they appear to us. Years ago there was less of the trickery and misdirection. I think that is something we as the youth can examine and look at within our own lives.

Is someone mad at you today and you can’t understand why they are mad?

Did you find yourself frustrated with someone else who just won’t apologize for what they did?

If so, consider what I’ve said in this piece of writing. I think there is a maddeningly easy cure for these simple problems.

Communication.

We have to talk to one another again. I mean really talk to one another, and listen in return. We were given two ears and one mouth, so that means we were meant to listen more than talk. When someone is mad, confront them peacefully and ask them what you did, or what is wrong. If they choose not to tell you then there isn’t much else you can do. If you are on the opposite end of things and are holding a grudge in your web, if someone approaches you and asks what is so frustrating or saddening, tell them. Sit down with them and pull the curtain back. I know you worked hard on your intricate web of thought, I have too. That doesn’t mean it can’t be appreciated after it has been seen. More often than not we appreciate things so much more when we truly understand them. So seek to shed the curtain and end the show. Don’t let yourself put on an act anymore. Be honest with people. I bet that they will admire the work you’ve put into your own thoughts and motives. Then, when they are done with you, you can observe them in return. When two parties understand one another, they don’t have to agree or support each other’s choices, but it makes things a whole lot better for living in harmony. I don’t know about you guys, but I think we need more harmony right now. Things can get messy in our melodies, we need something to balance that out. So we should tell people about that. We should ask and we should first seek to understand our own motives before we try to break codes and decipher messages in order to understand someone else.

If you enjoyed this, come back next Friday for “Where Is Everybody?” about aliens, and human silliness. If you want more of GME, tomorrow I’ll be posting a recap of this week’s blog posts (poem + blog post itself.) in my vlog over on Dyzygy! It’s the start of a super rad journey and I’m so damn excited to start it with you all. I wanted a way to let off some steam and to be honest, a way to have an excuse to play video games. (oops.) So I’ll see you there tomorrow!

If you want to put more words into your eye places, you can buy my book “Mean Shadows” now! It’s available signed on my website or if you’d rather, you can order a blank copy from Amazon!

If you guys still want more from me (I’m humbled.) you can follow me on Twitter + Facebook for updates on this blog, YouTube, and my novels/poetry as well as anything else I might have up my sleeve at the time! I’ll see you on the other side, my friends.

Cloak + Dagger

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This week I wanted to talk about a problem that we all face regularly. Some of us can be more upfront than others, but there are instances where this can help everyone. I hope that it does. After you read, tell me what you think. Do you agree with my idea to solve the problems or do you think that there is a better way to go about it? Let me know in the comments and enjoy!

Being the guy I am, I’m partial to stealth and sneaking around in video games. I enjoy the concept that I can keep the element of surprise. That mentality translates into my daily life, I like surprises and what goes into planning them. Sometimes they are hard to keep, but they are always fun to plan and create. I’ve been interested in magic and sleight of hand my whole life as well, all of these things that require you to be tricky and never reveal what is going on behind the scenes.

However, that mentality in a personal relationship can be awfully dangerous.

I have been chatting with a handful of my friends lately about being passive aggressive, how when you dislike something about someone, rather than confronting them like a mature adult we often slide off into this cloudy passive aggressive magic show where we do things out of anger and assume that the other party will just understand what it was that pissed us off. I think we all do it, and I mean that outside of my group of friends. We might not all be passive aggressive people but that doesn’t mean that we don’t slip up every so often.

I am at fault for this too. The passive aggressive mentality comes along with the idea that stealth and sneaking are cool elements. They are hand in hand with the feeling you get when you are planning a surprise party or a gift for someone. There is an addictive feeling of anticipation there that we all find one way or another. It works in the same way that gambling would. We place our bets, hit the lever, get a rush of dopamine and then we see whether or not we win or lose. It comes with an anticipation. That anticipation is what propels the ideals that we hold close. That other people should just suddenly know what they did to wrong us or why we are upset, even if the reason is petty and short sighted.

We act as if we are hiding a dagger in our cloaks, but we aren’t.

We are hiding it within our own flesh.

This passive aggressive mentality that myself and so many of my peers are familiar with is so much more destructive than being straight up with someone. It pushes us to extend arguments and fights out for days or weeks or months, in some cases, years. It can end friendships much faster than confrontation of the ugliest stripe.

When you are frustrated with a co-worker or a peer, consider how you express that frustration? Do you approach them alone to inform them of your feelings and your opinion and then try to resolve that problem or do you fight and scratch your way around actual confrontation, instead favoring the “sneaky” approach. If you don’t know what I mean, I’m talking about going to other peers who know both of you and whining to the third party about how the aggressed against is acting. “They smell bad.” “They are loud and offensive.” “They called my grandmother a bitch.” Whatever the case may be, if your first step is to approach a third party and whine, chances are that you suffer from the same problem that I do.

Rather than being a successful trickster and using their own actions against them (which is admittedly what I want to do more times than not.) you have fallen pray to your own dagger and can’t find the stab wound beneath the folded mess of your cloak. You know that you are bleeding, hence why you went for aid, but the problem is, when you or I slander someone behind their back, we are in fact worse than whatever it is they are. You may have a peer who frustrates you to no end, how a bout a co-worker for example?

She always talks about how much money she makes at her job, you don’t make as much. You grow jealous, which then unfolds into anger. You know in your mind that if she is making good money, then likely she is good at her job. Still, you won’t confront that knowledge because “dammit she just shouldn’t brag. I hate how big her ego is.” That sentiment evolves into you resenting her at work, dodging her when you are on shift together, and inevitably if you let it continue, will unfold into you saying underhanded things right to her face, because you “want to teach her a lesson.”

Well, I have a handful of hints. Firstly, when a teacher decides to teach someone, it isn’t because that specific person needs to learn. It is because they want to spread their own knowledge to others so that the world around them can grow if even a bit. So I think you should ask yourself chiefly, “Is what I’m about to do going to promote growth between me and any party who hears it?” Now, how you answer that is important but I’ll get there soon.

Secondly, if those tactics don’t work, you will be frustrated because she is “a big jerk who doesn’t care about anyone but herself.” Speaking from experience here, let me tell you. It isn’t that the person only cares for themselves, chances are good that there is some ego there but you can’t attribute it to just that. Likely, your obsession with their life is only serving to grow their ego, which will only inflate their sense of pride in who they are. So consider more than just the obvious poison that first bubbles in your own mind. What if they are proud of what they are doing? Have you considered that whatever they are doing that is frustrating you is simply being done because they have to mature still? We all grow different ways at different rates. I excel in places where my friends are set back and vice versa. We all have something to learn from one another. If you dig for that thing, then you will likely come to a conclusion much healthier than slandering another person.

Third. Consider your own position. Why did their actions weigh on you? Why did you let it? If you can’t sit down and answer that question, you are immediately stripped of the right to be angry with them. There is likely a valid reason for your anger or frustrations but if your answer is “I don’t know, it just makes me mad.” Then you have no right to speak on it at all, in any way. If you don’t know what you are fighting, or what you are fighting for then you don’t have the right to put your weapon up to begin with. You will only cause damage for the sake of causing damage, and no one will walk away from the experience changed or better.

So take all of those things.

 

  1. “Is what I’m about to do going to promote growth between me and the party who hears it?”
  2. Dig for the things that they understand that you do not and seek to learn them. Don’t fall blindly into anger because you don’t understand your peers.
  3. “Why did their actions weigh on you? Why did you let them?”

 

If you can answer all three of these questions honestly then you will have your ultimate answer and path to take. I promise you, if you are being honest with yourself, then you will not approach them passively and try to hurt them or slander them. You will abandon the foolish idea of “teaching them a lesson.” You will understand that the thing frustrating you could possibly just be something that they haven’t matured in yet, and you can take it as an opportunity to teach them ways to grow and in turn, learn ways to grow from them. Then at the end, if both of these things fail you, you can understand that you are in control of your own mentality. You are the one who decides how you feel, not others. So when you truly harness that mentality you’ll understand that there is no single person that exists on this Earth who can tell you how to feel or what to think. If you are angry at a friend, it is because you let yourself be angry. It is not because they are immature or stupid. It is because you allowed whatever they said or did to affect you negatively. You let them get under your skin and hurt you. So you are the only one who can exorcise them from your mind. After seeing that, you will come to understand that there is no need for passive aggression ever. No matter how much you like the high from it. There are better ways to seek thrills, ways that won’t ruin relationships or cause drama within groups of friends or co-workers. Then, if the problem isn’t solved, you can understand and accept that it is something you must walk away from. Some things can’t be changed and it is a hard lesson to accept. Keep your heart and your mind open, and excuse yourself from the situation. That doesn’t mean jumping to conclusions and quitting your job or ditching your friends, but it does mean that you can become scarce when certain things come up. A certain topic could be your frustration, and if you cannot teach the party, if you cannot seek good within them and you cannot define why you are so angry about the topic, it is best then to step away for a while and look at yourself ask yourself those same three questions, but in a different light.

Is what you are doing going to promote growth in others? Are you the aggressor?

Dig for the good traits you have and relish in them. Identify the bad things and vow to learn, to mature yourself.

Then, ask yourself one more thing… Why did you let something so foolish and so petty get under your skin to begin with? When you have your answer. Drop your knife and move on.

There is no need for your cloak, there is no need for your dagger. Life is not a situation we can sneak around or stealth our way through. We will be rammed headlong into things we don’t expect or understand. We must be sure that we can face those problems with a healthy mind. It is much better when we fight our larger, more important battles without dagger wounds in our sides.

If you enjoyed this + want more, you’re in luck! I have nothing else to do but post to this blog so I have a new one out every Friday! Come back next week for “Raising Curtain” about taking the guesswork out of relationships and being more transparent with those in our lives for the sake of making healthier and better friendships. Of course, this is just from my own experience and I’m only 23 years old. So I don’t expect to know everything. Hell, I don’t even expect to really know anything. These are just my opinions and I hope that the writings in GME have helped in some small way. Thank you for reading. If you’d like to see more you can check out my website for the full blog posting schedule. (A more comprehensive list will be coming next month, with short descriptions rather than just titles. Titles don’t really mean much if you don’t know what they are about.)

If you’re a fan of reading, especially fiction, I think you should also go check out my latest book. “Mean Shadows.” it is 26 short stories that touch on a range of topics from death, to loss, to fear and more and follow the lives of a handful of characters I will be writing on more over the years. You can pick up a signed copy on my website. If you want a blank copy to have me sign in person, you can pick up a blank copy on Amazon.

Don’t forget, for more information on my blog, my poetry, my YouTube channel (Which starts tomorrow!) and all the other stuff I have going on, you can follow me on Facebook + Twitter for regular updates on the things I write and do. Thank you guys for listening and reading and coming back every week. You make my life so much fun. 🙂

Memories in Hairbands

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Welcome back to the blog! This week’s poem is about how I horde memories with the stuff I manage to gather through my life. A friend once gave me a hairband at work and it was a big deal to me because that friend meant a great deal to me, even though it wasn’t nearly as big of a deal to her cause she had 40 million of the damn things. I appreciate small gestures as much as possible, sometimes it probably comes off like I’m gonzo. I couldn’t tell you. Nobody has reacted poorly though, so I’d say I’m doing well for myself.

So! The big news: If you haven’t seen it already, I have officially started my YouTube channel. All of the pieces fell into place. (Which actually means I just said “to hell with it” and decided to start the project up.)

See the first here.

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“Mean Shadows” is my latest book and it is available still! It is 26 short stories that touch on a medley of topics, as well as set up characters you will be reading from me for the next few years. Each story putting in place the blocks I need to build something much bigger, and hopefully, much more spectacular than it is inside my head. If you’d like to order the book and start this journey with me, you can find it on my website here, for a signed copy. If signatures aren’t your thing, you can also pick up a fresh copy off of Amazon.

For any more poetry related needs, you can follow me on Facebook and Twitter to see updates as they come out as well as receive new info on my other projects. (My poem a day challenge, my YouTube channel etc.) I’d love to have you!

Don’t forget to come back next week for the upcoming poem “Wanted: Information”