Pride of Lions

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… lions are chasing you.

I’ve recently been dealing with a hit to the pride that I didn’t think I would have to deal with. Not being able to find a job. Of course, this is halfway fallacy. If I wanted to go out and work at McDonalds or another fast food joint I could easily find a place there, but I chose to go after positions that I was not used to. Over the last week of November I submitted no less than twenty-five applications. All of them to positions that I did not already have on my resume, which meant no restaurant or bartending positions, nothing involving custodial maintenance or painting.

As I sat expectantly, knowing deep inside that someone would eventually call back and update me on a new job they thought I could fill I began to work tirelessly on my own business, freelance projects, the blog, even returning to YouTube. Anything I could use to fill my free time, I did. This didn’t stop as December came and passed me by, I rang in New Year’s Eve with my friends and my girlfriend, toasting all that 2017 was to me, the good and the bad, and I went home to watch a movie with my girl before falling asleep just before sunrise.

Up till Tuesday, I didn’t have a single job offer. The places I had called had denied me, I had begun to amass a collection of rejection emails, that another position had been filled. My encouragement and open mindset began to wear thin with each new email denying me a job, setting in that getting a job is perhaps not as easy as I once considered it to be.

Fortunately, just before I went to submit for unemployment, I was called by Dominos to be a delivery driver. I walked in and was hired on the spot. The same day that my old restaurant announced that it would be closing doors.

It’s funny, the way things work out sometimes. I was without a job, working my ass off on projects that I won’t hear about for another six weeks, and it fell into my lap that I should get a job and be offered another within days.

The possession of a job is an important mark in society. The feeling of being fired or let go or losing it due to circumstances out of our control can be a slam to the ego like you wouldn’t’ believe. I’ve had friends lose jobs and their attitudes grew dark and self-destructive. They grew impatient with the world around them, they grew hopeless that they wouldn’t find work before they needed it. I knew deep inside that I wouldn’t feel this way. I told myself regularly that I wouldn’t’ succumb to that change of mentality, but a month into being unemployed I began to question things and bite at morsels that didn’t deserve my attention.

I grew weary of the job search, being a job in and of itself I found myself hurt, at the end of the day, that so many jobs didn’t want me.

I was talking not long ago with a friend of mine about people’s vices and fallbacks, she mentioned that hers was jealousy. Mine falls somewhere between wrath and pride, two things I desperately need to keep in check but more often than not, I can calm my rage when it rises.

My pride… on the other hand, is much more difficult to manage.

I fall so easily to my terrible pride, this jobless venture has struck me much more close to home than any I’d had before. I felt hopeless deep inside and unable to complete the simple things I needed to complete. I feared that it would soon threaten my relationships due to the abuse I was putting my mind through.

Still, no matter how difficult things are, I learned long ago that difficulty is not a metric I use to gauge tasks. It all comes down to a length of time. Things aren’t hard, some things just take longer. I learned that from a Mod Sun song and reinforced it with every single word I write to encourage and assist those in my life. I have abandoned more things than I may have begun myself, but every moment I am fighting.

Pride is a pitfall, and waiting at the bottom of the well is a dogpile of lions with their fangs bared, waiting for a meal.

Don’t let yourself slip that far, take it from me. It is difficult to return, in that, it takes a long time to wake up and remember that your pride propels you, but you should never let it control you.

Each thing offered to me is a gift. My jobs, my writing, my home, my girlfriend, my friends, they are all gifts given to me by a Creator and taking any of those for granted, assuming that I am important because I have those things takes for granted each gift I am given.

I will not be food for the lions, and I hope you won’t either.

If you like this, share it and let me know your thoughts. I’d love to talk to you about it.

www.linmtba.com

Polar Bear King: Puke + Rally Master (Yours, Truly – H.P.O.E)

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With the recent addition of my latest tattoo, I thought it would be fitting to talk about the Polar Bear King a bit in today’s blog.

I wrote this back in Year Two: H.P.O.E after a long and trying period of time. I hope that today you can gain something from it too.

Anyone familiar with the party scene knows what rallying is, for those of you who don’t, it is what happens when everyone at a party is too far gone and too tired to continue partying when people show up, or people hit a second wind and then the party continues. A popular term has been coined from this, “Puke and Rally.” Which basically means to go so hard you vomit, and then continue going hard afterwards.

While this whole idea may seem childish, it’s an important lesson that I’ve learned in life.

Recently, I ran into a friend who had been going down a pretty gnarly path in life. Just a few days before I saw him, I was talking to my good friend Eric about how we hosted the first party he ever attended, then after that he took the torch and ran with it. He had gotten wound up into some pretty rough stuff and we sort of watched his life revolve. At this party, a new nickname was given to me. (I’m so proud of this story. I tell it often.)

Back when I worked at JR’s I usually worked overnight shifts, luckily, one night I only worked the night shift and had gotten off of work at nine p.m. I hurried over to Eric’s house and met up late at a party that was basically over. I immediately jumped into having a good time and catching up with plenty of old friends.

This friend of mine had gotten far too drunk, and was on the verge of passing out. Being the kind of guy I am, I suggested that he slow down and drink some water for a while because I was worried about his safety. Then, out of left field, a long haired hippy friend of mine came across and told him not to listen to me and that he should continue drinking. Well, to this guys inebriated mind… my hippy friend became Jesus, and I became a Polar Bear. Not just any Polar Bear. The Polar Bear King. So, Jesus and The Polar Bear King were arguing about whether or not this kid should end up drinking more. I eventually won, and got him to settle down enough to pass out. Since then, The Polar Bear King has become my nickname at parties where those people are in attendance.

I have been working a lot lately, especially on starting a new business venture as well as resurrecting old ones. I have been hard at work with preparation for the release of my debut novel, “The Darling Bones” and have been working a lot. If you factor all of this in with routine stuff that normal humans do daily, you can see the large number of hours I was losing in the sleep category. My life has become work, work, and work. I am pleased with this. My bosses, however, are less pleased. The other day I was late for my shift and woke up to a text message that said “Don’t come in till 5pm. You’re getting written up.” I was upset, mainly because I was told last time that happened that I would lose my hours, or in the worst case, my job. I was fretting all day about it, and wondering if I needed to start looking for work somewhere else. As I was out and about in town, I stopped by the Maverick near my house to pick up some things, and ran into this guy. Who then told me some wonderful news… That he was clean of all of the bad stuff he was putting into him.

I was over the top psyched, because I really liked the guy and hated to see him falling into the stuff that he was. We talked for a while and then I left. As I got back into my truck, something powerful hit me.

This guy is about to rally, and he is about to rally hard.

By that, I don’t mean get back into drugs. I mean get back into life and make his days more than what the previous ones were.

Then I asked myself a question.

“Why can’t I do the same thing?”

I am a strong believer in the idea that things happen and that it is up to us to give them a reason. I believe that I made a good choice when I stepped into that Maverick, because I ran into the guy who christened me “The Polar Bear King” As I drove back home I made a realization. Even if I did lose my job, (Which honestly would have broken my heart.) I would be okay. If I didn’t lose my job, I would go to work that evening, realizing that I puked in the morning, but prepared to rally that night.

I am a busy guy, I always will be. I have stories and projects and stuff to do until my grandchildren have children. I will always be a doer of things, but one thing above all is certain.

I should keep my ego in check. Make sure that I don’t take a bigger drink than my throat can handle. I should remember that if I puke, I’ll rally.

After all… I am the Polar Bear King.

If you liked this post, you can pick up the H.P.O.E Compilation on my website or Amazon. 🙂

Don’t forget to check out my latest YouTube Video as well.

I just published Dyzygy + Friends, Dragon’s Dogma Ep. 4

 

Shorter Vision (Poem)

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This was meant for 5.17, but I was caught up with some real life shit and had to take a break which you’ve likely noticed.

YouTube goodies up soon, ,another poem out tomorrow. (The next one is a pretty rad setup.)

I miss you, I’ll be home soon. I promise.

Boner Salad.

2017.5.17- Shorter Vision

www.linmtba.com

The Darling Bones releases June 21st!

Waking up in Coffins

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I finished writing this + was upset that it wasn’t going to be posted until tomorrow because I’ve been up since god knows when thinking it is Thursday. Happy Friday, friends. Stay blessed.

It’s pretty popular knowledge to my group of friends and family that I’m garbage at hearing my alarms in the morning. I just sleep through the noise and ignore them. Most times these days I don’t even shut the alarms off, which it probably frustrating as hell to the people I stay with. I generally don’t get into bed until late in the night turned morning. I work hardest when the sun is hiding, and that’s how it’s always been. Still I try to get up early to get in work in the AM too.

When I was younger, I used to say that I would sleep through my alarms because I wanted to live in a dream. To that, I call bullshit.

Why would I feel the need to live in a dream in the middle of the night when I’ve got all of the tools necessary to make my life a dream when I’m awake? That’s a big thing I wanted to touch on today. So many of us, myself included, use everything in our power to skip out on life. We live vicariously through reality television or video games. We spend all of our time within the pages of a book begging to live in those worlds. We come up with Zombie Survival plans and Armageddon Preparedness rituals and all of our time gets ripped up between that, work, and sleep.

I’ve gotta be honest with you guys. I think this whole sleep thing, at least while you’re young is bullshit. Maybe I’ll regret saying that and living like I do when I’m 50 but I’ll deal with that when I’m fifty years old and I have more time to sleep.

I don’t want to live inside a dream my mind made when I laid down. I want to wake up every day and build my dreams right in front of me. It might seem kind of weird coming from an author, but I don’t want to spend my whole life wishing I had the abilities and the magic of the characters I read in books when those abilities are already latent inside of my soul.

Recently I’ve been back to sleeping few hours a night and working as hard as I can. A recent burst of inspiration has hit and helped to propel me forward more than I thought I would be propelled and it makes things easier, but that isn’t what keeps me going. If we all waited for inspiration or motivation to find us we would rarely get anything done. There’s this misunderstanding when it comes to work and our personal goals. Motivation hits and we get hyped for this new project or this new step in our lives, then after the motivation ends we lose sight of that and let the fire fizzle out.

I think too many of us, myself included, mix up Motivation and Dedication. Motivation hits hard and burns out fast. It’s the rush of a new book idea, or the inspiration to hit the gym and look like Jason Momoa. It’s the spark that we need to isolate and start the fire with. Dedication and Determination are the fuel we add to that spark to make something of ourselves. I’ve had forty new book ideas in 2017 alone. I’ve written all of them down and kept focusing on the task at hand. I have so much to learn about this industry and I have so many balls in the air right now that I need to focus on and grow within. I can’t let the motivation to write something new hit me and get distracted. I like to keep this black + blue notebook with me all the time. I write poetry and ideas and every thought I have that could take me somewhere within it. They are the sparks that are meant to start fires. Afterwards, when I have time I go back and look them over to establish if it is something I really want or if it is just a fleeting idea.

I am in control of the universe before me. There is no doubt in my mind about that. So I am the one who gets to rise out of the coffin every morning like a vampire and decide what I will work towards. I am the one who must stoke the bonfire inside my heart, no one else can do that for me. A million sparks can start a brilliant fire but if you don’t have anything to keep it burning then they were all a waste.

Some mornings, I feel like I could be dead with how exhausted I roll off of my couch. Don’t take this the wrong way, I’ve had plenty of days where it seems impossible to get off of the couch and move on with my day. It sucks to feel the weight of my duties, self imposed or not. The fact is, I have a dream. I promised myself and some other people I would be something so my only option is to get up and become it. I’m supposed to be infinite, but that doesn’t mean things are always easy.

If you’re feeling that set back, that dragging in your heart with whatever the project you’ve got going on… Don’t give up.

Get up. Fight. Fight until your body is breaking down. You can accomplish anything.

If that’s the gym.

If it’s music.

Or writing.

Or film.

Or acting.

Or marketing.

Engineering.

Teaching.

Training.

Parenting.

It doesn’t matter what you’ve got going on, I don’t care what you’re doing I just want you to keep doing it.

Don’t give up. Drag your zombified body out of the coffin and smile at yourself. Find some wood in the forest and keep your fire burning. No matter what you’re doing, no matter where you’re doing it…

I’m with you, friend.

www.linmtba.com

Don’t forget! I’ve got YouTube vids coming our tomorrow + Sunday! Get hyped cause it’s a lot of me being terrible at Mass Effect. Hope you’re into that. 😉