Dark Days Ahead

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The other day I was at a restaurant I like to frequent with a couple of my good friends. We had embarked on this in depth conversation about religion, life, sexuality, misogyny, basically, if BuzzFeed has published a shitty halfcocked article about it in the last five years we likely had a discussion over it.

As the week passed and I considered what I would put into this post, I decided that I’d talk about that particular night and how I saw my own arrogance reflected in someone else.

We were talking about homosexuality when it happened. A couple weeks ago I was talking about sexuality with a handful of coworkers who, (sarcastically) asked if I was gay. I took it seriously and explained that no, I’m not gay, I just have standards so high that I think no living woman would meet them. I’m working on it.

That comment eventually evolved into talk about sexuality and what defines us in those terms when another friend said that she didn’t think so because I’m never even trying to date the women she sees me with.

Well, no. They are my friends.

It seems to me that we have forgotten the divide between friendship and romantics. Just because you have friends that are pretty girls does not mean you should constantly be willing to sleep with them. There’s no point in that. (Moving on, this isn’t the point.)

As we were talking about sexuality and romance, I was saying that I believe the gay marriage battle had gone on for way longer than it needed to. There were so many people who were so adamantly against it, vowing to never support or respect it and here they are after it had been made legal saying “oh, okay, I guess it’s fine.”

With the way some of these people fought against it you would think that they were going to war. If this was WWII, and Germany just trampled over your country and took it over would you just say “oh, okay, I guess that’s fine.”?

No. So that means that likely, you either decided it wasn’t worth the fight cause it doesn’t matter to you, or you decided that you really were okay with it. Either way, great.

See, people like to make assumptions. Most people when hearing the piece I just rattled off (or anything similar) will stop me at about halfway through to remind me that I am a *deep breath*

#bigotedmisogynisticwildlyhomophobicegoselfcentriczionistblackwizardmagehatefulbraggartchristiandragondildosalesmanfightingfortheadvancementofthetechnowarlockpopulationinassociationwiththeKKKwhitesupremacyandnazismbroughttoyouatthehandsofdonaldtrumpdicklotion.

Instead of hearing me out and letting me get through the statement they would just assume I am the worst version of a person they can think of in that moment. That moment, incidentally, is the moment that we fall off of the tightrope.

As I began my story, I was at this restaurant with my friends and the conversation had turned to homosexuality and gay marriage. I began a similar monologue (because that’s really most of what I say, unfortunately.) about how gay marriage was drug through the mud to keep us distracted by the other shit that was happening oin our government, same with the Trans bathroom deal. Neither of those things should really be the main focus of the Natl. Govt. yet here they were, keeping people out of bathrooms and stopping my coworker from getting married in Nevada. (Lest we forget this was happening while everyone in the executive branch was going through with shady war deals and blatantly lying to the public. Some things never change.)

I started of the midpoint of my professor-like lecture by saying “I think that the gay marriage debate was too played out. You are who you are, be who you are. I don’t have a problem with you…” But before I could finish my statement with “…just as long as you know what you want and are happy with yourself. I support your ability to choose, it doesn’t and will not affect me.” Fate dealt me a blow…

It seems that the full moon breached through a crack in the roof above me and shone onto my skin, provoking my transformation from Alva Tobias, the fun loving boy plagued by the desire to see people be happy and have fun to the gnarled, neck-haired beast. I transformed from myself and became what I fear the most…

 

A bigoted misogynistic, wildly homophobic, ego self-centric Zionist, black wizard hateful braggart Christian, dragon dildo salesman fighting for the advancement of the techno warlock population in association with the KKK, white supremacy, and Nazism, brought to you at the hands of Donald Trump dick lotion.

 

Thank god there was a fearless warrior there to save my friends from my homophobic toxicity that I was about to spew with VITRIOL out of my dumb face. There was a kind and graceful woman sitting behind us who had just so happened to bring her silver bullets that evening. She turned around and with nothing but grace and poise totally lost her DAMN MIND on me in the middle of the restaurant, saying that I needed to take the conversation elsewhere and that I don’t have consideration for other people in public and that what I was saying was horrible. Okay, I reasoned with myself, watching her heart bleed profusely. Maybe I was being loud, maybe they have a thing against gay people. I couldn’t be sure. I’ll be quieter.

“I should have you know, my grandson is gay.”

Oh no, she evidently doesn’t have a problem with gay people she is just CRAZY.

Afterwards, I let her know that if she was in a public place she should expect people to say things that she disagrees with, she should also perhaps listen to what people are saying, all of the conversation, before chiming in and letting her arrogance show. (Vividly.)

Not only was I pissed that she was trying to use her gay grandson as some kind of badge of honor, which is a whole other blog post to itself, but she was completely ignorant to what I was saying and evidently had no desire to be less ignorant about it.

Which is what brings me to this post today. My friends and I picked up, paid for the meals and left, laughing about the scenario after my adrenaline cooled off. (I was furious with her at the start there.)

Then I realized that she had fallen off of the tightrope long before I had run into her. She was plummeting to the bottom of an endless purple pit.

I have a question for you to ponder, about political ideals…

Have you ever taken two colors of ink, combined them and then tried to take those two mixed colors apart and return them to their original state? Like… perhaps, red and blue?

I’ve long held the belief that we shouldn’t strive to align completely with one side. I think we should look critically at all angels of any given spectrum, be it sexuality or politics, even religion. What I think we have run into is a mass of people trying desperately to separate the ink that they have let mix because now things are so polarized. It is either a trend to support trump, or a cardinal sin. It is either red or blue, there seems to be less and less common sense, less and less balance as the days go onward.

That breaks my heart. I would much rather all of us be purple and hanging on the tightrope together, rather than watching each other fall into the pit, our ending there easy to decipher.

An internet friend of mine named Clash summed up everything I’ve been thinking of in one quote last night, I’m going to paraphrase him here but his actual quote was much more succinct.

 

“The choice should not be blue or red. It should be liberty, or death.”

 

“The Darling Bones” is available now! For $10 you can pick up a copy from my website.

www.linmtba.com

Bloody Knuckles, Bloody Dress – Poem

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This February I’ll be starting a mini series of poems, this is the first of them. The whole series is going to deal with politics and concepts that are of particular interest to me and especially things that are hard to admit. Some of the poems will blend together, others will be standing alone as single poems put together to form a larger picture. This is the first in a cycle of three, Bloody Knuckles, Bloody Dress (King of the Ring Pt.1)

2017.2.1- Bloody Knuckles Bloody Dress KotR 1.jpg

I hope you enjoyed the poem today! If you’re interested in any of my other projects, check out http://www.linmtba.com to get news on more poetry, my YouTube channel and my books! (If you’d like to order a copy of Mean Shadows you can order from my website too!) Thanks for reading, I’ll be back next week with another poem. If you liked this or want to see more, remember to follow my blog and to share the posts. It helps out a ton + I’ll love you forever for doing so. 🙂

Melting Down the Gold

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This will be the second rewrite to this post, which is something that is difficult to pin down. I wanted to make it angry and bitter and rude to have the outcome of hopefully waking people up, but I just couldn’t bring myself to post it. That anger and bitterness isn’t who I’ve built myself to be and I won’t let a struggle such as our political climate tear that down. I am American, but I am not going to let the mood of America today destroy who I am.

I am, however, going to talk about my latest book. I’m going to talk about how it relates to America. I’m going to write this blog post like I’ve written every other one, from the heart with the same love for my life that I have always had.

In my current work in progress, The Raven Queen One: The Devil of The Spindle, The main character Kylinn gets sold into demonic slavery and in the same breath is conscripted to join a band of assassins that she has no business being associated with. To combat this, she tries using oils and mixtures of herbs to subdue and retain her targets, rather than killing them. This changes, but those elements are saved for the story. I’m not here to spoil the plot. I’m here to talk about Lion’s Barb oil.

Lion’s Barb is a plant that grows in my made up universe that is harmless on its own. It is often consumed with various eastern meals as a garnish for the plate. It’s grown in the east of Kylinn’s continent and is explicitly grown there, where it can rise to heights of more than six feet tall if the stalk is never tampered with. By itself, Lion’s Barb is harmless. However, when mixed with a concoction of other herbs. Primarily, Dementi Nettle, it creates a powerful oil that is used to decompose metals and minerals, turning them into rusted sludge. Kylinn uses this trick on a man who mistakes her for a prostitute and dissolves his payment to her, sending him into a deep slumber. The Mane of the Lion is one of Kylinn’s favorite oils to use. So much so, that she carries it around on a day to day basis, expecting an opportunity to come up in which she can rid a fellow creature of their greed.

See, Kylinn is a pickpocket and she is a relatively good one. Of course, we as humans are all created with inherent mistakes. That is something to be embraced and worked upon. It is something that we use to learn and to grow.

I think that Americans need to remember how to grow.

I have watched the state of affairs between my friends and family members on social media grow to a terrible beast that has not been put in check. It has been allowed to run rampant in between our texts and our ideals. It has poisoned our very souls. Each day that passes I see new friends and loved ones fall into the trap that is social media politics. I see what it does to their moods and I see what it has done to my mind.

I have grown an impatience that I didn’t used to have. I have come to a place where instead of shutting my mouth to listen to what others have to say, I must run my mouth until it is out of gas so that my friends are forced to listen to me, even if I’m wrong in the words that I’m speaking.

How did we get here, America?

How did we get to a place where our ideals mattered more than the people around us? I’m not saying now, nor will I ever say, that we are designed to have one way of thought. That is disgusting to me, because all of your different opinions are what make me love each of you so much. Diversity is a strength, not a weakness. Because I hold this thought, you can imagine how angry I become when I hear someone telling my friends that their words are less valid because they are a Christian, or they are a Liberal, or they are Middle Class, etc. See, because America was founded on that. We were not built to be what we have become. We stood once as the golden gate of hope to every country surrounding us, and we still are. We still have that potential. To be a shelter, to be a friend, but our public has become too consumed with who they are and what they do or don’t have.

It’s shameful, and more than anything else it breaks my heart.

I love this country and I recognize the blessings that I receive here every day. I have seen so many people lose sight of that because of frivolous stuff, like our campaign choice. Or our political standing, or our faith.

When in the creation of America did our forefathers talk about disbanding into groups based on similar interests? Where did they decide to promote the idea of hate mongering because of the color attached to our title?

The answer is nowhere.

I’ve seen what my friends have been saying, and I’ve seen both sides to boot. Each one of you are putting ideas into the world about what in your opinion would be best for us and I applaud that. But don’t let those ideas and those standpoints dissolve into dissent or hate for your fellow people. Regardless of political standing.

We talk so much about not hating people based on their skin color or their faith based choices. About forgiving those who hurt us and about standing up for what is right.

Well that is what I’m doing today. Because each day that passes, I see you become more and more like the Lion’s oil. Your hatred and disrespect for one another are actively destroying the golden gate that we are. It’s destroying my love for your mentalities. I don’t want that, so I’m making the effort to understand. Through understanding comes peace, and that’s all I’ve been trying to realize. Peace.

Why is it that when someone votes on something it all of a sudden becomes an attack? An attack on women, an attack on Christians, and attack on people of color, and attack on gun owners? Take a look around you. I know plenty of people in plenty of walks of life. Pro-gun, pro-choice, anti-gun, pro-life, etc. This list could go on for years to come, but if I continue with the topics I fear I may never get to what I’m trying to say…

You are not the color that you align yourself with. We are not red or blue in this country. We are red, white, and blue. You can continue on with the American bravado that the other countries say that we have. You can continue being the gun toting, freedom loving, fat piece of shit that Europe seems to see us as, because those things mean something special to me.

Disguised in a haze of disrespect, I think it shows that you are passionate about this country and what we are. All of the collections of different people that exist in this world can be found right here in our walls. We house every one of them. To my friends who don’t picture themselves as the fat gun-toting freedom loving ‘Murica type, look at yourselves too. You are the Christian hating, progressive thinking type. Through that same layer of bullshit, you are just a human living in a country that you love and trying to do what is best for it.

I don’t see anything wrong with that, because America was founded to be the melting pot. To put us all into one place and have us learn and grow because of each other, not to be the acid that melts our hope.

Don’t let yourself be that person. Don’t bring another down because they see differently than you. Don’t be the person that can’t look at things from more than one perspective. Be the person that loves others, no matter what.

Be the person that we all were intended to be, not the person you think you should be because that’s how you’re labeled.

Be bigger than the fights and the lies that are cast out on social media. Be bigger than the fake ideas that are spread around the web and whispered to you in class.

Be bigger than the professor who tells you how to think and doesn’t leave room for you to expand.

Be bigger than the men who founded this nation.

Be bigger than your fear of the unknown and your resentment for the opposing side.

We are not blue.

We are not red.

We are humans of every stripe.

We are stars.

We are meant for more than this.

For the sake of our next generation, whether you are participating in creating it or not… leave America a kinder place than it is today, because I don’t think we will survive if things keep up this way. There is more than one way to look at the world. Look at it more than one way.

Don’t look at it through your tinted goggles, don’t let ourselves be blinded by hate or politics. Love our friends for who they are, not what they believe. Love them simply because they are capable of thinking about things, just because it doesn’t agree with your mindset doesn’t mean that they will be the undoing of the world.

You know what…

Even if it does, love them anyway, because that’s what we are here for.

This time, I’m not just talking about America.

I’m talking about the human race as a whole.

You are better than this, so start acting like it.