The other day I was at a restaurant I like to frequent with a couple of my good friends. We had embarked on this in depth conversation about religion, life, sexuality, misogyny, basically, if BuzzFeed has published a shitty halfcocked article about it in the last five years we likely had a discussion over it.
As the week passed and I considered what I would put into this post, I decided that I’d talk about that particular night and how I saw my own arrogance reflected in someone else.
We were talking about homosexuality when it happened. A couple weeks ago I was talking about sexuality with a handful of coworkers who, (sarcastically) asked if I was gay. I took it seriously and explained that no, I’m not gay, I just have standards so high that I think no living woman would meet them. I’m working on it.
That comment eventually evolved into talk about sexuality and what defines us in those terms when another friend said that she didn’t think so because I’m never even trying to date the women she sees me with.
Well, no. They are my friends.
It seems to me that we have forgotten the divide between friendship and romantics. Just because you have friends that are pretty girls does not mean you should constantly be willing to sleep with them. There’s no point in that. (Moving on, this isn’t the point.)
As we were talking about sexuality and romance, I was saying that I believe the gay marriage battle had gone on for way longer than it needed to. There were so many people who were so adamantly against it, vowing to never support or respect it and here they are after it had been made legal saying “oh, okay, I guess it’s fine.”
With the way some of these people fought against it you would think that they were going to war. If this was WWII, and Germany just trampled over your country and took it over would you just say “oh, okay, I guess that’s fine.”?
No. So that means that likely, you either decided it wasn’t worth the fight cause it doesn’t matter to you, or you decided that you really were okay with it. Either way, great.
See, people like to make assumptions. Most people when hearing the piece I just rattled off (or anything similar) will stop me at about halfway through to remind me that I am a *deep breath*
Instead of hearing me out and letting me get through the statement they would just assume I am the worst version of a person they can think of in that moment. That moment, incidentally, is the moment that we fall off of the tightrope.
As I began my story, I was at this restaurant with my friends and the conversation had turned to homosexuality and gay marriage. I began a similar monologue (because that’s really most of what I say, unfortunately.) about how gay marriage was drug through the mud to keep us distracted by the other shit that was happening oin our government, same with the Trans bathroom deal. Neither of those things should really be the main focus of the Natl. Govt. yet here they were, keeping people out of bathrooms and stopping my coworker from getting married in Nevada. (Lest we forget this was happening while everyone in the executive branch was going through with shady war deals and blatantly lying to the public. Some things never change.)
I started of the midpoint of my professor-like lecture by saying “I think that the gay marriage debate was too played out. You are who you are, be who you are. I don’t have a problem with you…” But before I could finish my statement with “…just as long as you know what you want and are happy with yourself. I support your ability to choose, it doesn’t and will not affect me.” Fate dealt me a blow…
It seems that the full moon breached through a crack in the roof above me and shone onto my skin, provoking my transformation from Alva Tobias, the fun loving boy plagued by the desire to see people be happy and have fun to the gnarled, neck-haired beast. I transformed from myself and became what I fear the most…
A bigoted misogynistic, wildly homophobic, ego self-centric Zionist, black wizard hateful braggart Christian, dragon dildo salesman fighting for the advancement of the techno warlock population in association with the KKK, white supremacy, and Nazism, brought to you at the hands of Donald Trump dick lotion.
Thank god there was a fearless warrior there to save my friends from my homophobic toxicity that I was about to spew with VITRIOL out of my dumb face. There was a kind and graceful woman sitting behind us who had just so happened to bring her silver bullets that evening. She turned around and with nothing but grace and poise totally lost her DAMN MIND on me in the middle of the restaurant, saying that I needed to take the conversation elsewhere and that I don’t have consideration for other people in public and that what I was saying was horrible. Okay, I reasoned with myself, watching her heart bleed profusely. Maybe I was being loud, maybe they have a thing against gay people. I couldn’t be sure. I’ll be quieter.
“I should have you know, my grandson is gay.”
Oh no, she evidently doesn’t have a problem with gay people she is just CRAZY.
Afterwards, I let her know that if she was in a public place she should expect people to say things that she disagrees with, she should also perhaps listen to what people are saying, all of the conversation, before chiming in and letting her arrogance show. (Vividly.)
Not only was I pissed that she was trying to use her gay grandson as some kind of badge of honor, which is a whole other blog post to itself, but she was completely ignorant to what I was saying and evidently had no desire to be less ignorant about it.
Which is what brings me to this post today. My friends and I picked up, paid for the meals and left, laughing about the scenario after my adrenaline cooled off. (I was furious with her at the start there.)
Then I realized that she had fallen off of the tightrope long before I had run into her. She was plummeting to the bottom of an endless purple pit.
I have a question for you to ponder, about political ideals…
Have you ever taken two colors of ink, combined them and then tried to take those two mixed colors apart and return them to their original state? Like… perhaps, red and blue?
I’ve long held the belief that we shouldn’t strive to align completely with one side. I think we should look critically at all angels of any given spectrum, be it sexuality or politics, even religion. What I think we have run into is a mass of people trying desperately to separate the ink that they have let mix because now things are so polarized. It is either a trend to support trump, or a cardinal sin. It is either red or blue, there seems to be less and less common sense, less and less balance as the days go onward.
That breaks my heart. I would much rather all of us be purple and hanging on the tightrope together, rather than watching each other fall into the pit, our ending there easy to decipher.
An internet friend of mine named Clash summed up everything I’ve been thinking of in one quote last night, I’m going to paraphrase him here but his actual quote was much more succinct.
“The choice should not be blue or red. It should be liberty, or death.”
“The Darling Bones” is available now! For $10 you can pick up a copy from my website.