Honey, I’m home.
Recently I took a bit of a step back from my blog and my business, as well as from the way I was living my life to analyze and consider what I can do better, what I need to adjust and what I should keep doing.
Usually, late winter time involves me retreating into my shell and getting off of social media, and as a side effect of that I generally have a hard time keeping my blog updated around February, it’s been a standard for me pretty much since I started writing on it. Something about late winter just makes me ponder.
That wandering wonder of the late winter time spurns a great many feelings inside my heart. Primarily the desire to write furiously and spill my heart onto page like a broken bloody fountain, and so I have much to spill.
I recently started a new job, and as I was driving home bright and early from a twelve hour graveyard shift I was listening to Chance the Rapper, and taking in the beauty of the cloudy morning, the way the sun was hiding behind the clouds and laughing out it’s light cast this gloomy brightness over the city that I’ve come to love. The way the curtains of clouds cast a shadow over the world and yet the light still peeks through where the fabric of sky is too thin to hold it at bay makes me think of our lives.
We all have a twisted entangled path, where we will cross with hundreds or thousands or millions of others and each person is twisting along their way, finding themselves in places they wouldn’t expect, wouldn’t want or wouldn’t understand. I’ve come to meet a few people who were backed into a corner, through their own devices or the acts of another, but regardless.
They all, just like me, can clearly see where they’ve been but have difficulty seeing where they are going. Like the feeling of the clouds in the morning, the light only shines on a few places. the jobs we have, the loves we hold at night or early in the morning, the places we can go to breathe easily, the arms we run to in times of fear. While we drive to our next destination in the dark we can see those pillars of light shining from the darkness, peeking through the clouds we move from safety to safety with the desire for survival enveloping us.
I know that for myself, I bask in those moments of sunlight, feeling the oncoming storm inside my soul I hold onto it for as long as I can and fight against the desire to let it go. But it is so easy to forget that behind that platform of clouds, there is a sun shining regardless, an everlasting light that will always be there despite the storm clouds overhead.
So we can continue to drive, to traverse the twisted pathways between our past and future selves with confidence that the sun will be there when we arrive.
So I stepped out of the light and into the overcast sky, unsure of my future and what will come, but knowing that there is love with me wherever I may be.
If you’re afraid of that darkness, don’t be. Move forward with your life, do not let fear stop you. Fear is the child of disappointment, and if we marry fear, we will never be happy again.
Only one more day until March, and that’s a pretty exciting thing for me, because that means I will be celebrating my birthday again, and this year I’ve got some cool things in store for the old birthday bash.
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Categories: Umbral Dawning