I don’t think we’ve officially met, yet.
I’ve been writing this blog for just over six years now. Six years, one month + twenty days. In that time I’ve learned a lot about being a man, growing up, and being a better person. In my long walk to get to where I am today, I’ve fallen in love, fallen out of love, fallen in and back out again. I’ve raised memories, I’ve shared the love for my friends and I’ve written novels. You may not know that about me. Though I’ve spoken to you about some of my most painful failures and some of my greatest successes. There is a lot that comprises me. You don’t see it, but you’ve been with me through my lowest lows, from emotional instability and a bout with depression to a couple run ins with some things that should’ve killed me. I try as often as I can to be as honest as I can here, and because of that you’ve seen my high points too. Falling love, for the last time, the release of my first novel, my endless track course of life goals being slashed off one by one. You’ve been here through it all, whether you know it or not.
This month I’ve been working so hard on Mean for the Holidays that I haven’t had time to pull back the curtain and really talk for a minute.
I thought I might do that today, because there is a lot I’m made up of.
I’m the Polar Bear King.
It’s a nickname I’ve had for years, and I’m planning on retiring with that same nickname.
I’ve gone by lots of names over my time here in space, and I’ve cherished everyone.
Right now, I’m Alva Tobias. I’m an author and a poet, a musician, a blogger, an artist, a friend and like I might’ve said before, The Polar Bear King.
I was considering the nicknames I’ve had, and how they’ve shaped me. Each one gained by a loved one at some point along the course of my life and I wondered to myself, about you.
I wonder aloud, fairly often, what you are thinking while you’re here, reading what I’ve written. I have always wanted to make a difference in the lives of the people I speak to. I’ve wanted to do it in as many ways as I can. Poetry, Writing, Art, Music, Gaming, YouTube, Clothing. Everything I’ve created for myself as stressful as it can be, all have the same end goal.
To teach us something. Myself included.
If you’re here on the day I posted this, it’s the last blog post before Christmas. I’m glad for that. I’m glad that we can spend another day here in space.
Spinning on a giant rock with the freedom to create things that might not always make sense to my dad or my girlfriend, but they make sense to me and most importantly…
They help me make sense of this big world I’m so lucky to be a part of.
Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, I hope you think about where we are this holiday season. It’s easy to get swamped with the hard hitting stories in the news, or the down the road drama from your neighbors but really, I think that we were built for something a bit more productive.
I mean, we were built to love one another.
Family is a big part of my life, and I mean my blood relation, but I also mean my best friends. I’ve got a big group of people who I can depend on for damn near anything and I am grateful.
I’ve got two hands that work almost all the time, so I can write and I can spin a yarn for you through this computer. I am grateful.
I have the ability to sleep in a comfortable bed with a loving girlfriend who supports my manic episodes and all nighters spent writing more things for people to soon enjoy. I am grateful.
I work a job that isn’t always easy, but it’s always something that I enjoy. I am grateful.
I am part of a family, here. Wherever I am.
I just wanted to sit back for a minute, not to tell you some long story about a lesson I learned this week. I just wanted to sit back and be grateful for where I am in this cosmic dance and marvel at the size of it all.
It’s amazing, to be honest, that I am here to say any of this to you.
There’s no reason for me to exist, but I do.
You do too.
And I am grateful.
Welcome to the family.
Categories: Umbral Dawning