The Black Dawn

Well, here it is. The new year. The Black Sun is rising tonight. The Twilight has passed and here I stand on the other side of the morning, and It’s everything I didn’t understand all wrapped up in one nicely packaged gift.

The gift itself?

Life.

Δ

I find myself profoundly joyous this evening, considering where I’ve come from and where I am still going. Despite the roller coaster that I feel like my life has been lately, I’ve come to realize a couple things…

If you can take anything from this year, take this with you as you go:

  • There is always room to do better.
  • There is always a place for you to exist.
  • There will always be a seat for you at my table, regardless of our past or our future.

You are my friend, and whether you think so or not…

I am fighting every horrible thought, every terrible nightmare, every dragon in every cave I ever see… for people just like you.

Δ

I’ve had a struggle with my pride this year, I think above anything else. I’m extremely prideful and boastful of my accomplishments. (Trust me, my girlfriend will tell you.)

I think it’s important to be proud of who you are and what you’ve accomplished but there comes a point when all of that comes to be too much.

I’ve spent so much time looking over my old works trying desperately to piece them back together as is, because with that terrible pride came a terrible unwillingness to not review who I am and who I’ve become because I was afraid of the work I knew I would have to put in to change. I think that speaks volumes about where I am now, compared to where I was three years ago.

I spent so much time trying to be a teacher, trying to instill some kind of knowledge upon my friends and family and readers that I forgot something incredibly valuable.

To learn.

They say that madness or insanity is best described as doing the same thing and expecting different results. I believed that if I wrote the same kinds of posts, I would impact more people. I believed that if I kept writing unique and strange poetry and never talking about it, eventually someone would recognize me as the next E.E. Cummings.

I expected that if I maintained my relationships where they were, and never put out the effort to go above and beyond. If I eased up and refused to break down walls like I had before, I would manage to keep long friendships and relationships that were destined to never go anywhere.

I believed a lot of things, and through that belief, one thing became abundantly clear.

I was mad.

Crazy, in itself but more so I was mad that the current didn’t take me where I wanted to go. It pulled me off into nothingness and I was left floating there, in a big wide ocean, alone and upset because I didn’t feel like I had a purpose.

I was screaming my opinions and beliefs within an echo chamber, never truly harnessing the gift I was given.

Writing.

Music.

Poetry.

Art.

Friendship.

+ so much more.

I’m excited for the sun to rise, black or not…

I will conquer it, just like I always do.

I hope you do, too.


 

Thank you for what has become one of the best years on this blog yet. I’ve had to really take a step back and evaluate who I am and what I do with my blog and my writing, and now that I’ve taken a hard look at my projects and myself I’ve come back to them with a renewed passion for all of this.

In classic tradition, so much of me just wants to blurt out that I have new projects coming or that I’ve got stuff for you “down the road.” But that just isn’t the case, not yet.

I’ve come to learn that my biggest flaw, not only as a creator but as a person in general is that I take on WAY too much all at once, and then find myself having mental breakdowns the following three months until I finish everything and just hide it out of frustration, returning later to put it out to the public and not fix it.

I can tell you a few things, first, I’m working on a newsletter and a new novel project right now. The newsletter doesn’t have a release date yet, as there are still many bugs I have to work out, but the novel is a little different. This time around, I’m going to be posting it as a serial online. If you’ve followed my Instagram posts this month you’ve read some of what the story is going to be about. I’m aiming for the first chapter to be released in the middle of November, but I am not going to give any sure guarantees for it quite yet. I want to bring it to you as quickly as possible, but I also don’t want to bring anything less than the best I can offer. Not anymore.

I can tell you this with certainty, however. Salt + Iron now has a degree of purpose that it has never had before. I have changed a great deal since the first year of the business and blog, and I’ve learned a lot about this industry, what it takes and what I do right or wrong. I’ll be sharing the new projects with you as soon as they become available, as soon as I’ve made them the best that I can.

What I’m saying, is that I’m tired of not finishing what I’ve started. I’m tired of shambling aimlessly in the darkness without a real purpose. I built Salt + Iron to be a guiding light and a place for myself to feel comfortable, but more than that, I wanted it to be a place for all people to come and share their experiences, to share their desires. To allow their creativity to run rampant and if they need it, to hide within the world I’ve built for them.

…but those are lofty goals.

I couldn’t say whether it will go as I planned it to or not, but I’ll tell you one thing.

I’m ready for the black sun to rise. This year is going to be a good one.

Thank you, as always… for reading.

-AT @alvatobiasbooks

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