Roads

As I sit in my office again, I’ve been thinking about the way things change. The way the world is spinning regardless of my actions, the way the planets dance around us and we are all so unaware of this magical ballet above our bodies all the time.

I think of it especially when I’ve felt a deep sadness. Like the sadness that comes from my friends moving away. The other day I was talking to one of my best friend’s little brother. He sought me out in a time of need and as we took a walk, I reminisced on past love, past friends, the way things were back in 2014 or 2011 or before. We spend a lot of time, I think, considering the past and how much better it looked.

I’m working at a restaurant still, and I still have so many wonderful friends. I don’t play WoW as much and I’m no longer the guy who just started a business to the people around me. Now, I’m the guy who works a lot and spends a lot of time on Destiny and I’ve been found out. Everyone in town seems to know that I’m an author now, and if they don’t I certainly tell them.

All but five of my close friends have moved on since 2014, back where there was only one.

It’s kind of a bittersweet thought, that out of the guys in our group, less than half of us live here now.

Some of us are in relationships, some of us are seeking careers, some of us are just living day to day and doing what we love. All of us, I think is some combination of all the things.

I’ve long wanted to leave the town and move on to bigger and better things, but I think it’s a good thing that I haven’t. If I had left when I wanted to, back in 2013, I was dead set on moving to Portland. If I were there then, maybe I wouldn’t be a writer still. Maybe I would have given up on my desires to run this blog, maybe I’d be a different man altogether.

I’m glad I stayed, as much as I’m frustrated by home because I met a girl here whom I love dearly. I’ve been given opportunities here that I wouldn’t get as easily elsewhere, and I’ve been able to stay in great contact with my family, and church family, when I need them.

I wish there was a word better than bittersweet to describe the feeling of these guys, brothers to me, who have moved on to their next chapters.

I suppose bittersweet is enough, but it doesn’t capture that feeling.

That feeling of knowing I won’t see them as much, knowing I won’t get to call them up and drive to their apartments. Knowing that it’s now a four+ hour drive to see them, but at the same time, I have to remind myself not to be jealous of the worlds that have them now.

I am so happy that they are free to do what they please. I am happy that we have the memories and most importantly, I am happy that it is not the end of our relationship.

Things change so quickly in life.

Now I’m in a place where I can really consider moving, consider stepping out and doing something else for a while. This time, I have a strong bond of friends I can go to for support. I have a girl who I know supports me too, even with how often I frustrate and frighten her.

It’s a bittersweet feeling, sure, but I think it’s more sweet than bitter.

We all have these different roads to travel. Perhaps one day I’ll be in a state all alone and separate from my brothers and parents. Perhaps not, but I’ve reached a place inside of me that is content with either.

As long as I can write, and laugh, and love these people…

I can be anywhere in the world.

 


 

Thank you for stopping in for another post, I really truly appreciate it. If you want to hear my opinions on life and love and all of the other things I see, make sure to come back every Friday.

If you’d like to see what else I do and watch as my business grows another year, you can see it all unfold on my website: Salt + Iron Productions.

Thank you so much, and I’ll see you next week.

Instagram: @alvatobiasbooks

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