I finished writing this + was upset that it wasn’t going to be posted until tomorrow because I’ve been up since god knows when thinking it is Thursday. Happy Friday, friends. Stay blessed.
It’s pretty popular knowledge to my group of friends and family that I’m garbage at hearing my alarms in the morning. I just sleep through the noise and ignore them. Most times these days I don’t even shut the alarms off, which it probably frustrating as hell to the people I stay with. I generally don’t get into bed until late in the night turned morning. I work hardest when the sun is hiding, and that’s how it’s always been. Still I try to get up early to get in work in the AM too.
When I was younger, I used to say that I would sleep through my alarms because I wanted to live in a dream. To that, I call bullshit.
Why would I feel the need to live in a dream in the middle of the night when I’ve got all of the tools necessary to make my life a dream when I’m awake? That’s a big thing I wanted to touch on today. So many of us, myself included, use everything in our power to skip out on life. We live vicariously through reality television or video games. We spend all of our time within the pages of a book begging to live in those worlds. We come up with Zombie Survival plans and Armageddon Preparedness rituals and all of our time gets ripped up between that, work, and sleep.
I’ve gotta be honest with you guys. I think this whole sleep thing, at least while you’re young is bullshit. Maybe I’ll regret saying that and living like I do when I’m 50 but I’ll deal with that when I’m fifty years old and I have more time to sleep.
I don’t want to live inside a dream my mind made when I laid down. I want to wake up every day and build my dreams right in front of me. It might seem kind of weird coming from an author, but I don’t want to spend my whole life wishing I had the abilities and the magic of the characters I read in books when those abilities are already latent inside of my soul.
Recently I’ve been back to sleeping few hours a night and working as hard as I can. A recent burst of inspiration has hit and helped to propel me forward more than I thought I would be propelled and it makes things easier, but that isn’t what keeps me going. If we all waited for inspiration or motivation to find us we would rarely get anything done. There’s this misunderstanding when it comes to work and our personal goals. Motivation hits and we get hyped for this new project or this new step in our lives, then after the motivation ends we lose sight of that and let the fire fizzle out.
I think too many of us, myself included, mix up Motivation and Dedication. Motivation hits hard and burns out fast. It’s the rush of a new book idea, or the inspiration to hit the gym and look like Jason Momoa. It’s the spark that we need to isolate and start the fire with. Dedication and Determination are the fuel we add to that spark to make something of ourselves. I’ve had forty new book ideas in 2017 alone. I’ve written all of them down and kept focusing on the task at hand. I have so much to learn about this industry and I have so many balls in the air right now that I need to focus on and grow within. I can’t let the motivation to write something new hit me and get distracted. I like to keep this black + blue notebook with me all the time. I write poetry and ideas and every thought I have that could take me somewhere within it. They are the sparks that are meant to start fires. Afterwards, when I have time I go back and look them over to establish if it is something I really want or if it is just a fleeting idea.
I am in control of the universe before me. There is no doubt in my mind about that. So I am the one who gets to rise out of the coffin every morning like a vampire and decide what I will work towards. I am the one who must stoke the bonfire inside my heart, no one else can do that for me. A million sparks can start a brilliant fire but if you don’t have anything to keep it burning then they were all a waste.
Some mornings, I feel like I could be dead with how exhausted I roll off of my couch. Don’t take this the wrong way, I’ve had plenty of days where it seems impossible to get off of the couch and move on with my day. It sucks to feel the weight of my duties, self imposed or not. The fact is, I have a dream. I promised myself and some other people I would be something so my only option is to get up and become it. I’m supposed to be infinite, but that doesn’t mean things are always easy.
If you’re feeling that set back, that dragging in your heart with whatever the project you’ve got going on… Don’t give up.
Get up. Fight. Fight until your body is breaking down. You can accomplish anything.
If that’s the gym.
If it’s music.
It doesn’t matter what you’ve got going on, I don’t care what you’re doing I just want you to keep doing it.
Don’t give up. Drag your zombified body out of the coffin and smile at yourself. Find some wood in the forest and keep your fire burning. No matter what you’re doing, no matter where you’re doing it…
I’m with you, friend.
Don’t forget! I’ve got YouTube vids coming our tomorrow + Sunday! Get hyped cause it’s a lot of me being terrible at Mass Effect. Hope you’re into that. 😉
Categories: Noose Ends