I took some time off, and this week I wanted to take a second to talk about that time with all of you.
My father, (when he was a child) and even still to this day likes to take things apart to find out how they work. He loves to find the gears and the circuits that charge and rotate the things we use. He applied that talent to building models and working on vehicles. I’ve spoken about it before to all of you.
My mother, (when she was a child) and even still to this day likes to look at things and understand the soul that they lay bare. She loves to find that emotion that we course through our arms like electricity. She applied that talent to constructing poetry and crafts. I’ve spoken about it before to all of you.
When they wed and gave birth to a child, I was created. My father carefully placed gears and wires inside of my mind so that I could think and understand the world like he does. My mother used pure magic to instill within me a passion that even I could not comprehend. When I was born, my mother offered me up to God and told Him that I am His. That she had me and felt blessed. She considered me a gift.
Because of that, I’ve considered my own gifts.
I took some time off this year to rethink some things. To really understand what I’m doing, why I exist, why I have this urge to write this blog and why I want so badly to write period.
Why do I want to accomplish all of these things?
Between the poetry and the videos, the music and books, the art, the graphic design and the multitudes of other things I have taken to mastering, I felt stripped bare.
Through our lives I think we get cloudy. We are filled with expectations and desires that are pressed onto us. We are pumped up with confidence when we do well, stripped of it when we do poorly. These things fill us up like cold water vapor and before we know it we are living storms. We go from day to day and find it difficult to control the urges within us. To laugh, to cry, to scream, to do anything at all that reminds us that we are alive. I see it in myself and in so many around me, we simply wake up and muddle through day to day trying to figure out the next step. I’ve personally grown tired of the politics. I wish so badly for one day where I can wake up and not have to hear about what is happening politically. I wish that I can go through a day where there are no fights rooted in ignorance, even outside of politics. Arguing over video games and hair styles, bitching at one another about work shifts. I saw within myself that I was just wandering around, touching everything but not truly being a part of it. I would roll off of my parents couch, listen to them talk about Donald Trump and what the media says about him. I’d half-heartedly sit down to edit a book, I’d go to work with my eyes half shut, listening to any kind of music that could put me in the zone. When I arrived, I grew weary immediately. Vouching rather to turn around and exit the scene instead of stay and complete my given tasks. I was in our world, but I wasn’t a part of it.
There is this magic in my mind, something I truly believe exists outside of it as well. Perhaps it is a way to explain the world, but I think there is more to it than that. This magic force comes from something called the aether. This massive condensed magic energy that flows into and out of everything living in the world. In some instances, it has even infected the inorganic creations too. They have magic within themselves they sometimes can’t control. This thing, the aether, revolves around them always and relatively few are capable of tapping into the pure yet destructive power it contains. This concentration of magic is dangerous to be around, and few who ever encounter it live to tell the tale. Even fewer of them would be willing to tell it because of how awe inspiring it is. This force with no face that creates as often as it destroys. It feeds us and powers us, it gives us the things we need and renews our vigor when things start to die on us.
I have spent too much time trying to dumb down what I say for the sake of clarity. I want so badly to be known and to be understood that I ignored my purpose.
I belong to something much more powerful than I am. These things I write and do, the way I live, it isn’t meant to be mutilated because I feel alone. I may be alone, but one singular storm is made up of millions of drops of water.
Walking through this life without having opened eyes is useless to me. I can see the leaves that will be growing on trees soon, but it will mean nothing if I don’t appreciate them. The tiny veins that carry life through the face of the leaves. The roots beneath us that root life into the earth. I can see the creations of man, buildings and vehicles that are nothing short of magical. I can witness the height of a skyscraper but what is it to me if I don’t take a moment to appreciate how small I am in comparison? Things don’t exist in this world just for the sake of existing, I have never seen it that way. I can’t subscribe to this idea that I am the center of the universe either, there is a magic within everything. This force that brings us life and renews it when things in our lives begin to die.
When I took time off, I thought about everything. The rain in my heart that kept me from writing. The fog in my eyes that kept me from seeing. The ox horns weighing down my tongue that kept me from speaking. Ox horns I used to display proudly in my home, the ones I ripped from my own stubborn beast. Things started to die and they were renewed.
It is the law of the aether.
All that dies, will return. Perhaps not in the same way, but it will return.
All things broken will find themselves repaired.
It will bridge the gaps between lost and found.
It will summon the ancient things we forgot that we knew.
All things exist within, outside of, and because of the aether.
I took time off because I knew what I needed to do. I needed to dive into that force. Headlong. There is no better way to rediscover your own purpose.
When I landed within the cloud I was suspended and I saw everything I had seen once before. The way I affect others. The words I used to hold so dear. The ideals that I have kept for so long. The way we are all connected with tiny spider webs, from lost, to found, to missing again we are all part of something bigger and more powerful.
The torrent of the magic that has been alongside me for my whole life ripped at my flesh. It pressed the dark clouds out of my lungs and it shattered the stained glass I used to cover my irises. When I emerged, I was nothing but a frame of bones, and a bag of parts.
Then I remembered my father as the gears floated up and pressed themselves into my mind. I remembered my mother as the aether wrapped its warm force around me and I felt the magic course back through my veins. The gears began turning in my skeleton and it spun the magic back into flesh. I stood reconstructed, and remembered where I came from.
The aether first gave me purpose, because of my parents. My friends and family have only grown that power and I have evolved now. My mind harbors the aether that exists in the world alongside me. I am a vessel for pure, unlimited magic.
Now that you know that, you are a vessel too. So don’t be afraid. Don’t be held back. Don’t be misguided. You are more powerful than you could possibly know. Use that power for good. The aether is here for you, and it is waiting.
Categories: Noose Ends