In episode 51 of HIMYM, Marshall and Lily seek to move out of the apartment and into their own place. Which leads to Marshall discovering Lily’s credit card debt. This episode was one of the handful that I glossed over from the many times that I’ve ran through this series, however, there is a small moment in the show that sticks out that I want to talk about today.
When I was younger, my parents used to tell me all kinds of things about love and marriage, how great it can be, how much work it can be, so on and so forth. One of the most important things that I ever learned from my dad is that when two people get married, they marry all of each other. The good things and the fun things they fell in love with, as well as the things that are bad, whether they know about it or not.
Which brings me to this blog post. At the end of the episode, Lily proposes a divorce lawyer and Marshall says no.
“When I married you, I married all of you. The good and the bad, the stuff I knew about and the stuff I didn’t.” (Paraphrased.)
That message is one that I think gets lost on a lot of people today. I see so many relationships falling apart because people expect their partners to behave like they are perfect or perform as if they can’t do anything incorrectly when the truth of the matter is that we are all critically flawed creatures. We are filled with mistakes that have already happened and whether we intend for it to happen or not, there will always be more bad things on the way. I see it even in relationships outside of marriage. People expect their friends to stand up and be this quasi-perfect person because the first party only sees the good stuff coming from them. When the reality is that we all have downsides. Not every aspect of a person is a good aspect. We all have flaws and we all have mistakes that we don’t talk about. When those things come to light, especially if you have committed yourself to a marriage, you have to accept it and find a way to move forward.
Today, in my generation especially, we are fantastic at making excuses for ourselves. “She just wasn’t what I thought she was.”
“I can’t commit to someone like him, he just doesn’t tell me enough about himself.”
You can manage a stable relationship, and you should be honest at all times. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to promote the false idea that we should just keep secrets from our partners for the sake of the relationships, what I’m saying is that we all have baggage. We all have bullshit to deal with. We all have things that we do without thinking, it should be up to us to understand that and accept that in our partners as well.
Everybody’s apartment stinks sometimes. You just have to work through it. If you really love that person, then you will.
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