Asphyxia Hotel started off as a really angry and impassioned blog post that I had written two days late after a 40 hour day, I fell asleep before I could post it and that’s why it is up now. I hope you can pull something, anything, from it.
Know that I love you. I will love you until the words choke me to death.
I want to talk about something I’ve seen so often recently. It soaked into all of our music and our media, our art and as a result, our sub-consciousness. I’m talking about the poisonous way we view relationships today. It’s such a complicated problem that we can’t break down in one 1500 block of text, but I’m going to highlight some of what I’ve seen.
A few weeks back, I was talking with Eric about relationships and life and people in general when he said something that stuck with me.
“People do the most fucked up shit and act like it’s totally acceptable.”
I agree. It’s disheartening to see so many people in my life completely fine with totally ruining someone else’s life just because they feel as if they don’t need to have some kind of moral ground to stand by.
Perfect example, a friend of mine was once worried about being pregnant. The guy that was the to-be father told her straight up that he “wanted nothing to do with the baby.” And that he would pay her to get an abortion because he didn’t want to take care of a child.
Another instance, someone in my life knew that they had an STD and still continued sleeping with women after the fact, not telling most of them about it. So in his irresponsibility he potentially infected a handful of girls who didn’t know that was going to happen to them. They hadn’t woken up knowing they would wind up with a disease, but here we are.
A girl I know is so open about her desires to get guys to cheat on their girlfriends because the attention makes her feel… something. It could be happiness, it could be arrogance. I don’t know what it makes her feel, but I can tell you that she has no basis to feel that way. How wacked in the head do you have to be to pull something like that?
A guy I know has two different kids with different women, one of whom he doesn’t even speak to anymore. Another person in my life has a father that constantly dodges paying child support, presumably because he’s actually human garbage. Perhaps he doesn’t have the money for it. I don’t know, but either way its bullshit.
I know so many women who are now mothers and the guys who got them pregnant ghosted as soon as the baby bump started to show.
This list could go on and on, but I need to stop it so that I can get to the bigger picture.
For all of the shitty people I mentioned, the baby daddies who didn’t have the testicles to stick around when real responsibility came, to the women and men I know who continually do shit like this and pretend like it’s not completely bogus, I have a recommendation, while you’re naked in someone else’s bedroom, go find your spinal columns and slide them back up your assholes.
That’s bad enough as it is, but that’s assuming that both of the parties involved wanted a fling and nothing more, that doesn’t even get into the gritty shit that really grinds my bones to dust.
What the hell is “talking.” I know what talking is, literally talking, I am well acquainted. I never shut up, but this whole trend about “talking” pisses me off.
In case you haven’t spoken to any young adults lately it is like this:
If you have feelings for someone and someone else might have feelings for you, instead of asking them out on a date you are “talking.” Which, in essence means that you can claim them as your partner even though you haven’t had a conversation about a relationship. You can get pissed when they’re out with other people that you don’t trust, but at the same time you can’t. You have to watch as they leave you by the side of the road for a more interesting talking point.
I’m sorry friends, but fuck this.
I’ve had enough with this “talking” bullshit. I have never once been “talking” to a girl. There are plenty of girls I have spoken to. That I have talked with. However every woman I’ve ever wanted to pursue romantically I have taken on dates and spent real actual time with, you know, outside of our phones. I understand how magical and amazing our little touch screen boxes are but we can so easily get drawn into them without realizing what happened to us.
I’ve seen this trend. When a couple is “talking” and not dating, one or both parties use it as an excuse to hook up with other people at parties or to not stay loyal to the person who supposedly has all of their interest. Which is just an excuse. I still hold the opinion that if you use “we’re talking” as an excuse for you doing shady stuff, I don’t trust you and I won’t trust you again because you don’t even have the guts to think of your own excuse for being a shitty person. This goes for both sides. I have good friends who have said that shit to me. Let me simplify.
“Talking” doesn’t exist.
You know what does?
Getting out there and actually making a move or saying something, actually trying to progress into a relationship understanding that it will make you vulnerable. This whole “talking” thing is slowly choking us, because it is pulling our generation farther and farther away from the concept of love.
It isn’t that hard to understand things, yeah, sometimes horrible shit happens to/by someone you love. That is something that we will never truly be rid of but that doesn’t mean you get a free pass to work less for the wonders of life.
The problem I have with the whole “talking” thing is that we all use it as an excuse. If it was a different time and a different place there is a good likelihood that it would be the name for the course of looking for a partner.
The problem here stems from something that is so simple we miss it. We are terrified. Our generation is afraid deep down in our bones that at some point we are going to have to love something more than we love ourselves.
A while back a friend of mine went on a tirade about how it’s stupid that we “choose to only give love to one person.” At the end of our conversation we had reached a peace but it got me thinking. Why is that the idea? I love so many people. I have love for all of my friends and my family. Many of my coworkers and so many other people. Teachers I used to have, people who teach me now, those that guide me and every single person who supports me. My whole business was founded on love, after all.
I just think it’s really sad that we live in this world where people hold back so much. It’s become taboo to actually truly love someone. You realize that? Look at the world around us. Because of the slanted portrayal of social media and our own growing selfishness among a handful of other problems we refuse to acknowledge we have grown blind to our own insecurities. This blog post came from a dark place, a lot of the stuff I’ll be speaking about this year comes from a dark place. It’s hidden under years of frustrations that have only swelled as I’ve gotten older.
No, we aren’t meant to only give love to one person. We should love everyone that we can. We should always show that kindness. We should be thankful and gracious. We should sing about our love with throats that are wide open.
We should check in and our of hotels for business trips or concerts or gatherings, not as a means to hide our adultery. We should stand up to that shit.
In order for us to grow or get better, we have to call each other out on our lies and games. So this is me, calling all of us out, even myself.
Take the noose off of your neck, check out of your hotel and find someone to trly love and who will truly love you.
Don’t talk, don’t flirt with no intentions. Don’t make excuses. Don’t ruin another person’s life just so you can get off.
If you do that kind of shit, you can get off. I won’t give you credit or props or congratulate you on shallow, needless accomplishments.
You know what a real accomplishment is?
Actually opening yourself up for someone else. That’s something to be proud of. So I hope we can all learn from this, including, especially myself. That love isn’t something to hide and run from.
Stop viewing these relationships in such poisonous ways. Just allow yourself, for a few minutes at the very least, to love someone else more than you love yourself.
You’ll be amazed at the change inside of your soul.
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(Mean Shadows, my compilation of stories is available now! www.linmtba.com)