I think we’re all looking for something. Well, I know we are. That’s part of being alive. I for one always feel as if I have something to find. It’s a natural part of life. Recently, I have been coming to terms with this strange mentality that I’ve adopted. For a while, I’ve had to fight back and forth between the person I want to be and the person I sometimes am. In my head, I’ve got this whole hippy thing going on. I’m happy and friendly (as often as I can be) and the things I do all more or less could fall in line with that mentality. For a long time, I hated giving myself labels, in fact I still do, but after a while everyone just started calling me their hippy and it stuck. It’s something that I’ve come to identify with and it’s become the core structure of what I do.
Then, not too long ago I was reciting some of my writing ideas to a new friend, and she called me a monster for the things I think of. It took me by surprise, mostly because I didn’t really think about how my other writing would be viewed. If someone only reads my blog, and then decided to pick up The Darling Bones one day, it’s mess with their heads because the free love hippy vibe is nowhere to be found within that writing.
That’s what I want to talk about, this is the first part in a two part blog about my personal mentality and how we should use all of our sides to be who we are.
By that, I mean, there is this side of me that loves being happy and making friends and giving hugs and advice by the pound, I love smiling and telling jokes and enjoying the sunlight and making sure everybody knows that I love them, then there is me that is super dark and creepy and I share those spaces with the love of macabre art and music and television, horror books and feeling terrified.
My hippy side started the blog, and is the one who is working on Random Acts Clothing and the like, but it isn’t my only facet, and I want to share everything that happens in my head because I think there is a reason it is so active. That being said, it is why I wrote this blog post and will write the next one.
This exact mentality is why I don’t like being labeled and why I don’t say that I am any one thing. I’m not. I think it’s something important that we should hold on to, the idea that we are complex and important and valued. We are not a single faceted object that can be observed for a few minutes and understood. There are parts of my own mind that I don’t understand because I can’t figure out how. That’s a good thing. It’s important to have many sides. There needs to be a place for every emotion and every thought to go to. In my case personally, my interests and my ideals complement each other. The reason I can continue to be emotionally stable within my own life is because when something bad happens, I have a place to put it. When something good happens, I have a way to celebrate it. It just so happens that both of those avenues push me to create things and it makes a powerful, if not slightly confusing mentality. In the same breath I can be both excited and happy, yet sullen and contemplating the dark things in this life.
It’s a good place to be, because from what I’ve seen personally it’s allowed me to step back when things are happening and to look at it from multiple angles.
It’s a good place to be, and I hope that you read this and think about your own state of mind. I hope that you can find that balance within yourself if you don’t have it already. Never let anger or sadness or fear run away without being felt and processed, because it will always come back with friends.
Never let happiness, or laughter or hope disappear without being celebrated, because you never know when it will return.
Unless you make it, this life is up to you. After all… it’s your brain that’s running everything.