I want to be happy. I want to be a light to people, but sometimes it’s hard to be that. Sometimes your own faults get in the way and make that hard to do. Sometimes all the stuff I have to do gets in the way and I forget what I started doing all of this stuff for in the first place. Last week was hard for me. I saw some things in myself that scared me. There was a big monster that reared his head and attacked, and my guard wasn’t up so I succumbed to the pressure.
It’s no secret that I’m not the same person that I was when I started this blog. Because of all of the pressure that I’ve put on myself, I have lost some ground. I’ve fallen behind and that weighs on me. Not necessarily the work end of things, just the ideas and the movement that put me here in the first place. Trying to keep that up gets difficult.
However, if it was easy, I wouldn’t want to do it. I wouldn’t want to smile if there was nothing to overcome. I am who I am today because of challenges. This poem is about that feeling inside of me, like there are multiple different versions of me that show themselves. The one that you see that’s always fighting to be a better person, the version my friends see that flops around and breaks down, the version that my parents see that vents all of his frustrations, the version that my customers see that even though I’m winded from our busy night, I’m still there to make them have a great night.
It’s about all of that, and more. My life feels pretty heavy lately, but it’s still good. It’s something I fight tooth and nail for. Lately I’ve just been challenged more than usual, but I’ve never backed down from a challenge.