I’m a part of this writing group on Facebook that I’m not totally sure how I became a part of. When I joined I had no friends there and I spent a good three or four months not speaking to anyone and just listening to what everyone else was saying. After a while I had warmed up to the group and began making small friendships here and there. It was a different kind of group, because everyone there were friends. They were all so close and so kind to each other, pushing their peers when we needed it. Bouncing story ideas back and forth and talking about our lives. Through this site I’ve seen people get engaged, get married, become parents, sign contracts to publishing houses and everything in between. These people by and large are in the same boat that I am, we’re just trying to make it happen. Whatever their version of “it” is.
One of the members recently announced that she was tired of sitting on her books, waiting for a publisher to find her and vice versa. So had announced that she was going to start self-publishing. Then, even more recently I awoke to start my day + heard the news that she had died. It seemed random and from nowhere, a lot of us that weren’t close to her assumed it was just that something had gone wrong in her body and she didn’t make it out. Her closer friends knew the real reason and it was mentioned briefly in the post about her. I hadn’t spoken to this lady much, we were hardly friends, but her death still changed the way I see things.
Death always does that.
I’ve been so worried about what I’m doing lately. If I’m working, I can tell my friends are grumpy because I don’t spend time with them. When I spend a lot of time with my friends I’m grumpy because I’m not getting my work done.
It’s a difficult line to balance, and I don’t think a lot of people see that. I don’t even think a lot of creative people like myself can see it. So I’m here to tell you, It’s hard to walk this line of constructing your dreams and also maintaining all of your friendships. Maybe I’m overthinking things because someone who I could talk to has become someone I can’t talk to anymore. Maybe I’m over thinking things because I’ve been sleeping too much. I don’t know. But I do know one thing.
You never know when your time is up.
That has become so vividly clear to me these last few years. It doesn’t seem to matter how you treat your body or how you behave. All that seems to matter sometimes is how hungry Death is. If you’re in proximity to him, I guess that’s it. You don’t get more opportunities to write or sing or draw or laugh with your friends. Once Death starts the oven, you might as well just lie down and wait.
Someone told me that once. That once you know you’re going to die, you should just sit down and wait for it to come.
That is something that I cannot do. I don’t know when my clock will run out, but I can guarantee you that I will fill every last moment with love and joy and passion and writing, because this is something that I have built to be my entire world. If someone told me I only have so many months to live, I can already tell you how I’ll spend those months. Laughing and making jokes with friends. Writing these silly books and smiling as often as I can, because the certainty of this life is that it will end. We all learn that eventually. It’s difficult to face, but it’s a reality.
So every word out of my mouth should be meaningful.
Every smile on my face should be honest.
Every book or blog post I make should be passionate.
Every second should be spent with love. Doing what I love, or being with people I love.
This life isn’t long enough for us to make excuses. The lady in my writing group that died was only a few short years older than I am. I can’t say for sure whether or not I’ll be there too, but I can promise that until that day comes I’ll be writing and loving people. When it does come, knowing who I am, I may just spit in his face and take an extra life.
Gamers like myself always have more than one, anyway. 😉
We only have one chance at this life, folks. Make the most of it. Don’t ever give up. Long, or short…
Life is not meant to be awful.