So, this blog post came up a bit late because of some internet + some personal issues. But it’s here now. Another in the How I Met Your Mother series, this blog is going to talk about life and coffee.
In episode 8 of HIMYM, Ted invites Lily to live with he + Marshall after she finds out that her apartment was turned into a Chinese Restaurant, and after he does so he begins to think that the newly engaged couple is trying to edge him out of their lives and out of their apartment. This leads to a fight between Ted and Marshall and they get into a symbolic swordfight with cheap swords that they had previously hung on their wall. Inadvertently, Marshall stabs Lily with the sword, sending her to the hospital where she explains that she doesn’t want to live in the apartment and that she wants to get her own place.
This episode is hugely symbolic, especially with some of the things that have been going on in my life as of lately. I’ve been feeling edged out of some personal relationships because of different parties making different life choices. It’s one of those life things. I’ve had to struggle with this idea of separating my time working and time spent with the people that I love because I have such a hectic work schedule and I give myself so much to do at any given time. I try my best to balance this by setting aside time to spend with friends and family as often as possible, but at the end of the day I’m working around 14 hours. Whether it be at my job or on my business. It’s the path in life that I have chosen.
This writing thing is a lot like owning an important coffee maker. Every day I get up and feel the shock of the cord as I plug it into the wall and it wakes me up. I feel energized before I even get to drink that coffee or put the first word to paper. I love that coffee maker. For all the stress it might cause me, at the end of every day it is something I am proud of owning. It’s something that I’m proud of doing.
It’s difficult when people that I love tell me that I spend too much time working on my books or my blog or my business. Those things encapsulate me and who I am, who I want to be. I have this fault in that I don’t want to upset anyone. Because of that I will force myself to take breaks when I really don’t have time to be taking them, I will spend time that I have allotted to something else with people because I feel bad that they think I’m blowing them off.
Unfortunately, at the end of the day, I still have to drink that coffee.
I still have to do what needs to be done. There is no “cheat day” or “day off” when you are trying to make your passion a business, and it is nearly impossible to explain that to people. Even ones who think that they understand can only sympathize with your state of mind. It’s not a fault of theirs, it’s not a bad thing. It’s just a difference in two people’s state of mind. I love the diversity, regardless of how stressful that it can be.
If I don’t write, I get crazy. I have mood swings, I begin zoning out, I can’t focus or remember things as well because I constantly have these little shadows that are dancing around in the back of my mind, causing a ruckus and distracting me at any opportunity, making me a real bummer to be around. That being said, I don’t want to shut that off. I don’t’ want to walk away from that coffee pot. I don’t’ want to leave Neverland, because I’ve seen what happens when people do. I’ve been told what happens and it frightens me day in and day out. When people leave that creative state of mind, they have a difficult time getting back there. Sometimes they never do. It’s hard to admit and it is definitely hard to deal with from the outside.
If you are friends with someone who has that same creative state of mind, don’t let yourself get angry if they choose to work on their projects more. They need to do that. Creative people are all in the same boat. We have to release that energy or it will weigh us down. Like a boat that is constantly taking on water or an overflowing glass pot. That brown caffeinated nectar will spill over. It will consume us if we don’t exorcise it. We need to get it onto paper or score or photograph. It is in our bones to do so…
As for me, I’m so appreciative that I have people that are this concerned about me. It truly humbles my heart, and I need them to know that I still love them. I always will, but I don’t have nearly as much free time as I used to. I need to get this work done, because if I don’t I’m not going anywhere. This writing gig is my passion and my lifeblood. It keeps me focused every day so that I can get up and go to be the person I need to be to the people that need me to be it. Always remember that. If you are one of those people that feel as if I’m neglecting you, know that I’m not. I would never think of it. I love you, dearly. You are my friend and you always will be, but life gets in the way of a lot of things. I can’t spend time in the wrong places anymore. I can’t stay up for 40 hours playing video games or watching television. I have work that needs to get done because if I don’t do it, I will lose my mind.
I don’t want this to hurt you or make you think less of me, but I have to think of myself first. I have to be selfish, in a way, because I don’t want to fail. I don’t’ want to be edged out either, so when you call on me, I will be there. Granted, I can’t always come as soon as you call, but I will be there. I promise.
This life is our apartment + I want to share it with you.