Christmas + New Years have just passed us by and here we are in 2016. It’s crazy to me. 2015 whipped by and I don’t know where the time went. This past year was a difficult one for me, as I’ve said before. I’ve written more and done more than most of my previous years put together and the deeper I delve into the beast, I’m beginning to see more work that is becoming apparent to me. 2016 will definitely be a huge year for me and my friends. I’m so excited for all of the things that are to come. So much is happening in our lives that it’s actually becoming hard to slow down, for me, at least.
It’s been difficult for me and I know that it has been difficult for others, but look at us. We made it another year. How grateful I am to still be here + doing this. I’m going to take the first post of 2016 to level with you guys. I’ve got to air some stuff, and this blog is still the best place to do so. I’ve been fighting pretty hard with writers block. This keyboard stifling curse has made it difficult to write poetry + blog posts for a week or so now, causing my blog and other pieces of my business to fall behind where they should be. I’m writing through it and making my personal deadlines, but it’s stressful. It’s difficult to juggle 36 things when you only have two hands and one brain. That being said, I’ve admitted it.
I’m stressed out.
Because of this stress, my friends have noticed. So have some other people who are close to me. I’ve been asked numerous times to slow down and stop writing for a while because I’m putting my health in danger with the late nights and the early mornings and the back and forth.
To anyone who is worried about me, don’t be. I know it sounds easier than it is. I’m not stressing myself out to the point of health problems. I’m not actually losing sleep. I’m blessed to have people in my life that are concerned for me and want me to make sure that I’m staying safe, but you should see things from my perspective too. Just to give you some insight.
Currently, I’ve planned out around half of the books/stories that will take place in this giant universe in my head. (I really do mean giant.) The total comes to something like 70 books. Unfortunately, if I write one book a year, even if I find a way to wrap up all of these pieces in a clean little bow I won’t be finished with this series until I’m 93. There is no guarantee I’m even making it to 70, let alone that far. Life can’t be planned, despite how much planning I do. So I must write every day. All the time. As much as I can, because I have a story that demands telling. I have words that are beating around the inside of my head and they will not leave me alone. When I lose sleep, I lose sleep because I’m thinking of story elements or plot lines or the series as a whole. I am constantly figuring things out and designing each little piece to be something that will hopefully astound my readers and leave them with a quiet satisfaction. Because of this, I tend to space out and I tend to lie awake at night because I’m thinking of things. It is a reflex and I can’t just shut it off. I won’t let myself. Those books are just one of the many pegs involved in this giant machine I’m building. My blog, my clothing company my youtube channel and my podcast are all in line too. I’m writing music and poetry and novels and scripts and screenplays and everything under the sun because I was meant to do this. There has never been anything in this life that I am more sure of.
I’ve spoken a few times about how people are like plants. We need water and sunlight and cycles of nature to continue living, this is just as true today as it ever has been. For those of you who keep live plants in your homes, you know that if you water them too much they will drown. Too much of a good thing can destroy you. That’s the message in this blog post.
I am not trapped between two states of living, I’m living my life the only way I want to. Full of work and friends and laughing and love. That is how I intend to continue living my life. I will not give up on my dream, and asking me to stop working on this project is like asking me to give up on it. I simply can’t do that. This is my entire world. Thank you so much, for worrying about my health and my levels of stress. It’s such an honor to be surrounded by people who care so much about me, but I assure you. Despite all of the jokes and the fun I poke at sleepless nights and how much I work, I do it because it is the most relaxing and wonderful thing in this world to me. I write like I do because if I did not, I would go crazy.
If I did not… I would drown.