Slightly Broken Heart

I have this rough draft for you today, and it’s really from the heart. I go through these patches in life where I get terribly sad for reasons I don’t know. I always push through it and try to make the most out of every situation but that doesn’t mean that those feelings never happened. I don’t want it to feel that way.

I was struggling pretty badly the other week with loneliness and where I’m at in life. I’ve spoken on it before, so I don’t want to bore you with more of the same, but I wrote this poem at six or seven in the morning after a sleepless night of my mind thinking without end and I just needed to get something out and onto paper, and this was the result. This won’t be spoken word, for a few reasons, because I don’t think I’ll be able to recite it out loud without losing it to some degree. On top of that, I think that there is a lot of emotion in this and I don’t want to influence that with my personal inflection. This poem can stand for broken heartedness for any number of reasons. Just because it’s about relationships for me doesn’t mean it has to be that for you too. I think that I want it to keep that raw feeling. Those emotions that I wanted portrayed won’t be the same to any two people I don’t think. I want that. I want you to feel this however you need to feel it, not necessarily how I did.

I hope that you do.

If you had told me ten years ago,

That I would grow to become a man I didn’t know.

I would have laughed in your face.

 

There’s nothing about this place,

About this version of myself that

I ever hoped to know. The man with broken windows.

 

I weak door stands a sentry as the entrance to my home.

A gargoyle nailed into the wood,

Telling all that would wish to enter, just go.

I would make him leave, if I could.

But the door to my home is guarding leaking foundations

Faucets rusted over and rotting false wood floors.

Published statuses for every second,

Stand still in time on a computer I don’t use.

My house was raided, and it stayed my course.

As if one event was enough to knock me down.

To get me off my horse.

Of course… the pride I sustained I built into the walls.

These halls are pained and angry.

Mosaic paintings from times I couldn’t stop my falls.

 

If it matters much to you, I’d rather just stay here.

Falling in love with people on the internet,

Begging homeless men for free beer.

 

It’s as if I’m just a shadow. A hollow home for sure.

Maybe that’s the reason I haven’t seen you by my door.

Maybe it’s the doubts and deprecation I insist on handing out.

Depreciation of the value in regards to the ones that I care about.

 

I guess that’s what set me apart.

Because if you had told me ten years ago,

That I would become the man I am today.

I would have laughed in your face.

 

The man with a slightly broken heart.

 

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