Dark Days Ahead

The other day I was at a restaurant I like to frequent with a couple of my good friends. We had embarked on this in depth conversation about religion, life, sexuality, misogyny, basically, if BuzzFeed has published a shitty halfcocked article about it in the last five years we likely had a discussion over it.

As the week passed and I considered what I would put into this post, I decided that I’d talk about that particular night and how I saw my own arrogance reflected in someone else.

We were talking about homosexuality when it happened. A couple weeks ago I was talking about sexuality with a handful of coworkers who, (sarcastically) asked if I was gay. I took it seriously and explained that no, I’m not gay, I just have standards so high that I think no living woman would meet them. I’m working on it.

That comment eventually evolved into talk about sexuality and what defines us in those terms when another friend said that she didn’t think so because I’m never even trying to date the women she sees me with.

Well, no. They are my friends.

It seems to me that we have forgotten the divide between friendship and romantics. Just because you have friends that are pretty girls does not mean you should constantly be willing to sleep with them. There’s no point in that. (Moving on, this isn’t the point.)

As we were talking about sexuality and romance, I was saying that I believe the gay marriage battle had gone on for way longer than it needed to. There were so many people who were so adamantly against it, vowing to never support or respect it and here they are after it had been made legal saying “oh, okay, I guess it’s fine.”

With the way some of these people fought against it you would think that they were going to war. If this was WWII, and Germany just trampled over your country and took it over would you just say “oh, okay, I guess that’s fine.”?

No. So that means that likely, you either decided it wasn’t worth the fight cause it doesn’t matter to you, or you decided that you really were okay with it. Either way, great.

See, people like to make assumptions. Most people when hearing the piece I just rattled off (or anything similar) will stop me at about halfway through to remind me that I am a *deep breath*

#bigotedmisogynisticwildlyhomophobicegoselfcentriczionistblackwizardmagehatefulbraggartchristiandragondildosalesmanfightingfortheadvancementofthetechnowarlockpopulationinassociationwiththeKKKwhitesupremacyandnazismbroughttoyouatthehandsofdonaldtrumpdicklotion.

Instead of hearing me out and letting me get through the statement they would just assume I am the worst version of a person they can think of in that moment. That moment, incidentally, is the moment that we fall off of the tightrope.

As I began my story, I was at this restaurant with my friends and the conversation had turned to homosexuality and gay marriage. I began a similar monologue (because that’s really most of what I say, unfortunately.) about how gay marriage was drug through the mud to keep us distracted by the other shit that was happening oin our government, same with the Trans bathroom deal. Neither of those things should really be the main focus of the Natl. Govt. yet here they were, keeping people out of bathrooms and stopping my coworker from getting married in Nevada. (Lest we forget this was happening while everyone in the executive branch was going through with shady war deals and blatantly lying to the public. Some things never change.)

I started of the midpoint of my professor-like lecture by saying “I think that the gay marriage debate was too played out. You are who you are, be who you are. I don’t have a problem with you…” But before I could finish my statement with “…just as long as you know what you want and are happy with yourself. I support your ability to choose, it doesn’t and will not affect me.” Fate dealt me a blow…

It seems that the full moon breached through a crack in the roof above me and shone onto my skin, provoking my transformation from Alva Tobias, the fun loving boy plagued by the desire to see people be happy and have fun to the gnarled, neck-haired beast. I transformed from myself and became what I fear the most…

 

A bigoted misogynistic, wildly homophobic, ego self-centric Zionist, black wizard hateful braggart Christian, dragon dildo salesman fighting for the advancement of the techno warlock population in association with the KKK, white supremacy, and Nazism, brought to you at the hands of Donald Trump dick lotion.

 

Thank god there was a fearless warrior there to save my friends from my homophobic toxicity that I was about to spew with VITRIOL out of my dumb face. There was a kind and graceful woman sitting behind us who had just so happened to bring her silver bullets that evening. She turned around and with nothing but grace and poise totally lost her DAMN MIND on me in the middle of the restaurant, saying that I needed to take the conversation elsewhere and that I don’t have consideration for other people in public and that what I was saying was horrible. Okay, I reasoned with myself, watching her heart bleed profusely. Maybe I was being loud, maybe they have a thing against gay people. I couldn’t be sure. I’ll be quieter.

“I should have you know, my grandson is gay.”

Oh no, she evidently doesn’t have a problem with gay people she is just CRAZY.

Afterwards, I let her know that if she was in a public place she should expect people to say things that she disagrees with, she should also perhaps listen to what people are saying, all of the conversation, before chiming in and letting her arrogance show. (Vividly.)

Not only was I pissed that she was trying to use her gay grandson as some kind of badge of honor, which is a whole other blog post to itself, but she was completely ignorant to what I was saying and evidently had no desire to be less ignorant about it.

Which is what brings me to this post today. My friends and I picked up, paid for the meals and left, laughing about the scenario after my adrenaline cooled off. (I was furious with her at the start there.)

Then I realized that she had fallen off of the tightrope long before I had run into her. She was plummeting to the bottom of an endless purple pit.

I have a question for you to ponder, about political ideals…

Have you ever taken two colors of ink, combined them and then tried to take those two mixed colors apart and return them to their original state? Like… perhaps, red and blue?

I’ve long held the belief that we shouldn’t strive to align completely with one side. I think we should look critically at all angels of any given spectrum, be it sexuality or politics, even religion. What I think we have run into is a mass of people trying desperately to separate the ink that they have let mix because now things are so polarized. It is either a trend to support trump, or a cardinal sin. It is either red or blue, there seems to be less and less common sense, less and less balance as the days go onward.

That breaks my heart. I would much rather all of us be purple and hanging on the tightrope together, rather than watching each other fall into the pit, our ending there easy to decipher.

An internet friend of mine named Clash summed up everything I’ve been thinking of in one quote last night, I’m going to paraphrase him here but his actual quote was much more succinct.

 

“The choice should not be blue or red. It should be liberty, or death.”

 

“The Darling Bones” is available now! For $10 you can pick up a copy from my website.

www.linmtba.com

Temple of: Flesh)) (Poem)

This is the penultimate poem from the “Pollyanna” set I’ve been doing this month. Any questions you might have will likely be answered next week. until then, the latest installment of this person’s trial, meeting three sisters who destroyed him.

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My latest book came out today!! The Darling Bones is for sale on my website right now, go snag a copy. ❤

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Embalming Us

Have you ever wrapped yourself up in the sunlight and just thought for a few seconds about where we are in life? With all of that warmth around us, healing us, protecting us as if it were linen cloth.

The sun, as much as I hate it, is an integral part of our existence. We need it in order for everything around us to thrive and continue to exist. As is with all of the stars, they are blinding and beautiful. We have always had a fascination with the stars, as long as we have existed as a civilization. We want to know what is out there. We want to see them, to harness their energy.

When I think of the stars, I think of Pharaohs. I couldn’t tell you when or how that association came to exist within me but it has been there as long as I can remember. Perhaps it has to do with the whole royalty thing, or maybe that Egypt is blazing hot all the time. I couldn’t tell you.

I think that all too often we start to feel like Pharaohs, we get a bit ahead of ourselves and begin to swing our scepter around thinking it is made of gold. I know I’m guilty of it frequently. One or two good things will come along and suddenly I start acting like people should bow down around me. This change in attitude frustrates me and then evolves into me just being angry because I got cocky about where I’m at.

So then I’m pissed for a day because I acted outside of the person I’m trying to be. It wasn’t until a couple days ago that I was thinking about my recent attitudes and habits and realized that a ton of things are changing. My living situation, again, friends are moving, getting into serious relationships, we are getting settled into our careers and I subconsciously think that I’m behind or something, for some silly reason.

It forced me to go from Pharaoh to slave real fast.

It’s crazy how quickly our mind can completely change itself and how strong our thoughts can be. I was enjoying my day at work a few days back and someone said one thing and I let my mind control me for the rest of the day without doing anything to stop it. It is so silly and I don’t understand when I let my mind have that control back.

I am no slave to my own mind. I am no slave within it. I am a Pharaoh. I am the Polar Bear King. I am the Aethermind. I am so much more than just a puppet being controlled by others words and emotions.

You are too. Don’t let the things other people say influence you. They don’t matter.

You are the sun.

You are the stars.

You are Pharaohs.

Eventually you will need to step outside and remember that things are going to be okay. No matter who you are fighting with, no matter who you haven’t spoken to, no matter what is going on in your life. You can fix it. Just step outside, let the sun wrap its arms around you and close your eyes. All Pharaohs were embalmed.

Embalm yourself in kindness and love. There is no better way to be remembered.

www.linmtba.com

Grin ))

I haven’t smiled this much in ages.

I think it’s not right.

I thinnk somethinnnng is wron .

It))s lik/e ::mym_nd_sfl__t_ng))

inside of a sea of ))loud/s

Welcome home…

Θ(( The Skies ://:THE Future…………   ))

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www.linmtba.com

The Darling Bones releases the 21st! make sure you pick up a pre-order copy. ❤

Ex-Death

A short piece today, The blog is going to get pretty experimental for a while, I want to try some new things as you’ve seen with Pollyanna + now Snake Charmer Snake Eater, I’m going to put some more effort into the blog and try to single out my audience. I’ve been just writing shit aimlessly for years now + it is high time that I get something more manageable and focused figured out. Also, welcome back to the YouTube channel as of like… tomorrow or something.

I’ve climbed out of my own coffin and I’m back to swing for keeps.

I feel a bit warmer all over than I used to. My fingers aren’t shaking independently from the rest of me anymore, which is nice. I can breathe in a full set of lungs now a days which hasn’t happened since I was roaring a chorus in New York City. My mind is clear and I am focused, yet I would still stab someone in the chest to get a guilt free puff of nicotine.

Isn’t it funny how powerless we can feel sometimes? At the hands of such silly things like plants and people.

I’ve been a hard headed lad for as long as I can remember and I have had a penchant for finding new ways to strengthen my own resolve.

Simply put:

I have more willpower within my soul than five men do together. Which is a wonderful attribute to include in my invisible societal resume, but that also means when I have a break down or when I fail it wasn’t because I was under the influence of something else. It was a direct result of a choice I made consciously. Because I am so hard headed and my will is my determinant factor in all scenarios, it can really cause some damage to my mind when I know I screw up, which, let me tell you, is often.

If I make a choice it is rarely influenced by something other than my own decision. So when I choose something that kills me inside I have to live with it and accept it regardless of the outcome. That really sucks, cause I don’t like consequences for things.

Like turning down a girl I really liked because I didn’t have time for her.

Like turning down a job that would give me good money because it would kill my time.

Like staying somewhere I don’t need to stay just to force myself into a break.

Like crawling out of my coffin and waiting around at graveside for someone to come feed me some brain.

We as humans switch back and forth between alive and dead without even knowing it, I think. Obviously not truly. Most of us only die once. Unless you’re Eminem but we likely aren’t going to be that lucky. We have one shot at life and on the way to the great beyond we will switch back and forth between feeling the warmth of a brand new day and feeling the cold claws of the earth. Our choices dictate everything in this life. Our reactions are our own. If we are upset because of an outside occurrence, it is because we allow ourselves to be.

If I am angry at a coworker for how they behave or act, it is because I allow myself to care enough about how they can affect me.

In this moments I think we slowly kill our spirit, our willpower, our hope, our soul. I’m by no means admitting defeat and saying that we should give in to negativity, which is not my intention. What I am saying instead is that perhaps we could watch our own corpses bounce back and forth between warm and cold and stay warm for a while longer.

We could use out powerful will to stay happy for a few more seconds, to stay calm, to breathe in deep, to smell the flowers that are growing out of our chests every once and a while.

After all, the coffins we are building for ourselves are going to get pretty damn hard to fit inside of if we let our ego grow any more.

Snake Charmer//::Snake Eater (Poem:s)

Serpents everywhere.

P.O.N.N.A

Σ// Swallow //Savior //Save Us

One of them is Polly, I know she is. I know it is her.

I know it is. She is like a bird.

Λ:: Liar::Lier::Lyar::LIAR

The other must be Anna. They look so similar and they both feel so bright.

So… full of life.

So perfect.

χ// Keys //Killing //K(xx)g(x)

What about the one that is killing me?

The one who makes my smile brighter?

Not the rest of me.

Chelsea.

Θ:: The(xxxx)s ::THE Future

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[///.whathappenedtochelsea- (And The Rest) :-today?]

 

Pollyanna (Poem//s)

I constructed something intricate while I was away.

It means so much to me.

to me.

to ::/me

to Polly.

to Polly

to Anna

and back.

ΣΛχΘ

                                                                     [///. -Chelsea (andtherest) Misses You]

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My mind will be a mess.
It is.